Managing Risk
~ Time is a constant variable which affects each and every driver differently. Given, two natural drivers, equal in every way, at the 99% confidence interal, the ones who live longest are the ones who best pare down unsystematic risk. Merely having found yourself having visited our humble web site, by definition, you merit risk factors in your life you need to intellectualize for which to prepare countermeasures. If you do what we do? If your hobby is 10/10ths canyon driving? Then, you have choices to make, my friend.
~ You cannot expect to enjoy a long, full life, if you're an underwater deep-sea welder who diversifies his leisure time with a 6 pack of beer, chewing tobacco, and prostitutes on the weeknights, who alternates between 10/10ths canyon driving, sky-diving, rock climbing, drag boats, downhill skiing, propeller driving leisure aircraft, 185 mph sport bikes, on any Sunday?
~ You can't do that. You cannot sustain that. Risk accelerates exponentially as a function of time (e.g., age). It's only a matter of time. Acutarial tables do not lie. You cannot diversify threshold leisure activity to that extent. 10/10ths canyon driving, you have to pare down unsystematic risk. Or, you will place yourself on a collision course, with father time, and the man upstairs.
~ Those two guys don't deserve your respect. They command it. And, they have no compunction, whatsoever, about putting a big hurt, on you. Step out of line? Deviate from their parameters? Just an eencie-weencie bit? They will smack you down.
~ 10/10ths canyon driving is a "stand alone" leisure preoccupation which inevitably demerits negative externalities which, when you scew up, adversely ripple through your life, like an earthquake , no warning, whatsoever, laying waste to every domestic and occupational relationship that finds itself in its path. If what you do for a living requires a clean driving record? Then, contemplate a career change, ASAP, because, no matter how good you are, behind the wheel, 10/10ths canyon driving, as your principle pastime, is incompatible with your life-style.
~ Crux of the problem: If you're like us? Then, you're incapable of that. If you're like us? Then, God's canyons constitute an undertow so robust, and so overwhelming, try as you might, it is beyond your capacity to resist. Everything else in life just serves to make you want that, more. There is no perfect substitute. Nothing else will ever do. Plain and simple, black and white, no ifs, ands, or buts, you have to have that.
~ Once a junkie, always a junkie. Every single day of our lives, we walk the line. This is how we cope; this is how we pare down our unsystematic risk:
Staying Cool: Anger Management
~ Anger is unnecessary. There is absolutely nothing new; there is absolutely nothing in your life for which should anger you. Nobody ever told you the world was fair. People get shit-canned for no good reason, every single day. People get divorced every day. When husbands screw up for no good reason than their wifes rationing sex, their wifes get all their stuff. Hitler wiped out 13 million people. Politicians, and industry, graft is rampant. The corruption. The hypocracy. All the ideas you've ever came up with, somebody else got credit. From antiquity, forward, everything that could have possibly happened, already has, to somebody else, and you. The United States government unapologetically conducted plutonium experiments, LDS experiments on it's own citizens. And, you're going to tell me you flamed-out, behind the wheel, lost control of your faculties, for no good reason than having been cut-off on the nation's highways, during rush our traffic? Grow up... There is absolutely nothing in this world, or anything that could possibly happen, in your lifetime, which should anger you. Expect to be treated like shit... divorce yourself of your righteous indignation... rise to a spiritual plateau which enables you to objectively intellectualize your plight.
~ 10/10ths canyon driving, you have to have that. You cannot be a hothead, and be a 10/10ths canyon driver, for any significant diration. You must be an ice cube. You have to find a way to purge anger, as a risk parameter, from your life, entirely. Or, you will crash, and burn.
~ Be efficient. Pick your fights carefully... Obstain from conflict, whensoever possible. Fight the important fights. Do not comingle your canyon driving. Keep your canyon driving exploits a seperate thing, unto itself, well away from all other aspects, and relationships, in life. Just between you, and the man upstairs.
~ Humble thyself, in the presence of the God of Canyon Driving...
~ Your daily driver should not be a status conferring vehicle. Parade yourself, in a 6 figure Mercedes, you are asking for somebody to clobber you, on the head, to steal your wallet. Eliminate that risk factor from your life, entirely. If you drive your Ferrari, fancy Mercedes, or your Porsche GT-3 to work? Everyday? Soz you can impress everybody? Soz you can differentiate yourself? Soz you can intimidate lesser employees at your firm? Then, you are a dick-head. Something is fundamentally wrong with you. You are not one of us. You have no use for this web site. You shouldn't be at this web site. We don't do that. We drive low profile vehicles. Simply because you can afford to externalize the risk of a fancy daily driver, with extra insurance, doesn't eliminate that risk. That risk is omnipresent. And, it's wholly unnecessary. Purge it, entirely.
~ Humble thyself: If there's one thing the God of Canyon Driving detests more, than SUVs, it's an ass-clown, parading himself, in a 6-figure pimp-daddy luxury car, to underline his importance.
~ You either grow, or you die. The older we become, the more detached we become, our absorptive capacity diminishes, and the more impervious we become to new ideas. Listen: Any idiot can be a nice guy. When the chips are down? That's when it's going to count most.
~ If you're like us? Then, 10/10ths canyon driving is a huge risk factor, one which accelerates exponentially, with respect to time. It should not be compounded, or burdened, with perfect substitutes (sport bikes; propeller driven aircraft; rock climbing; alcohol or recreational drugs, et ceteris). Avoid extreme substitute activities, like the plague. Purge perfect substitutional risk factors from your life, entirely, and supplant your 10/10ths canyon driving with perfect (e.g., zero risk) compliments e.g. chess, volunteer work, exercise, reading, family life (spend time with your family).
~ Brakes and tyres are everything. Lack thereof, there is no substitution, for weight. Anything over 2500 pounds is extraneous. Tossing around anything more than 2500 pounds in God's canyons, you are playing with fire, my friend. Get used to lightweight vehicles. Eliminate risk of overweight, overpowered, status conferring items, by equilibrating your vehicle selection, modestly so, to your skill level, not to your income.
Vehicle Maintenence & Vehicle Preparation
~ We have an entire section of our web site dedicated to eliminating that particular component of unsystematic risk associated with vehicle modification, and vehicle maintenence, for 10/10ths canyon driving. Use it, liberally.
~ An entire section of our web site is dedicated to paring down the systematic component of risk with regard to due diligence, cartography, route engineering, and event reconniassance , for 10/10ths canyon driving. Use it, liberally.
~ A section of our web site has been dedicated to minimalization of this particular component of systematic risk, as a function of 10/10ths canyon driving. Have a look. You might be surprised how much can be done. This aspect of risk, it's the little things which prove to be so meaningful. What might be overlooked, if not for that section of our site, could otherwise kill you... or worse. Use that resource, liberally.
Study Road Racing or World Rally
~ Obligatory. Competition driving is disgusting. Brings out the very worst in humanity. Study the driving aspect of competition driving. Study it. Intently. Learn from it. Learn from its mistakes. Develop a trained eye for the driving aspect of competition driving. But, don't be a fanatic. NASCAR and IRL are woefully inadequate models.
~ Road racing facilities are dives. But, at least once a year, try to spend some track time on a closed road racing circuit. You should have one canyon road chosen for yourself, for which you intimately know, appreciate, and drive regularly (at least two times a week). You should have at least one for which you've perfected, and know, through and through.
~ We don't know you. We don't know who you are. Somehow, you found your way to this site. We assume you've scrolled down this far, perhaps because you have a reverence for driving which compells you to absorb this knowledge. Or, perhaps you're a policy community busy body, hoping for the first opportunity for which to kick-start your next witch hunt. Perhaps you're a newsie, looking for content to kick-start you off your writer's block. Perhaps you're a law enforcement officer, reading along, snickering at every third word, filtering through for that one magic phrase to give you the basis for which to write-off all content on this site.
~ We don't know you, from Adam. But, we know about you...
~ Our group boasts, from all walks of life, some of the fastest canyon drivers in the world. Some of us have regional or national championships under our belts. Yet others here, though they've never turned a wheel, in anger, have that gift, and somehow later in life came to realize it. Some of us possess aspects of that gift (e.g., savants). Some in our group have great car control skill, but aren't necessarily fast. Others in our group are blindlingly fast, yet somewhat clumsy. Some are utterly fearless, while others amongst us are merely brave, and muct overcome fear, through intellect. We embrace the depth and extent of that spectrum for which we have reverence... everybody here is a regular guy.
~ Rarest of the rare, a natural, we spend our lives coming to grips, with that. Because of that, we've optimized, with the approproate tool, for the job. For us, putting her hard, in the turns, it's kind of like playing with silly putty. Once you get it, in your hands, you just can't stop? It's not something we necessarily like; it's just something we naturally do. We boast fine, efficient, lean, mean, lightweight running machines. Twice as safe, at twice the speed, so long as it's us, behind the wheel.
~ We drive sports cars. We drive them, in God's canyons... pretty good at it, too.
~ We're not just good, behind the wheel. We're exceptional. So good, in fact, we go twice as fast, twice as safe, as simultaneously as we do, naturally. World seems in a slow motion, for us. Other motorists seem indecisive and aloof, to us. We can't comprehend their reluctance. How can they be such shit-for-brains, behind the wheel? We can't understand why people are terrified to drive, with us. Yet, for our loved ones, friends and colleagues, we're their first choice, to put behind the wheel, when the chips are down.
~ And, there it is... Is that good enough? Will that do? You can stop reading, now. You now have sufficient basis for which to write us off, as flakes. Scurry off, now. Go tell all your friends and colleagues. By all means, go right ahead: Write us off, as flakes. We couls care less.
~ Sounds elitist. Sounds pompous. Sounds arrogant. But, it's true: We do things, behind the wheel, few people can do. Other aspects of our lives, filled with doubt, anxiety, we feel slightly out of place. We don't feel as though we truly belong. Strap us in, behind the wheel, all that disappears. For many of us, behind the wheel is the one lonesome place we know we belong, where self-doubt, anxiety, and fear miraculously disappear.
~ God gave us that something special, behind the wheel. But, that don't cut no slack, not with Ponch & John; not with the DMV. Does it? Quite to the contrary, that gift from God made us a target. Some reason, Ponch and John single us out. Makes no sense, to us, why they write knit-picky tickets, to us, for infractions they let everybody else slide.
~ You don't have the first clue what we're talking about. Do you? You don't understand. You don't know how it is we could think what it is we thing. Do you? You don't know how we could possibly think what we think. All this sounds contrived; far fetched, as though everything we say, we make up, right off the top of our heads.
~ ...Right?
~ God gave us that something special, behind the wheel. Our mean is different, than everybody elses. Held far below, when we regress, to our real mean, we become a target. Atypical drivers, in atypical cars, when we regress to our natural mean, Ponch and John single us out. They write us knit-picky tickets, for infractions they let everybody else slide. We accumulate points. We don't drink. We din't incur accidents. We never blow yellow or red lights. We never run stop signs. Yet, infractions we accumulate are a preponderance of knitpicky things.
~ We drive God's canyons. We never get citations, there, because they're never patrolled. Even if they were, we go through there, at a natural mean velocity alien to Ponch and John. Where we attract attention, in our go-fast machines, is close to home, or on the freeway, in our comings and goings to and from our various driving events. But for no good reason than being singled-out, as a sports car driver, our comings and goings is where we accumulate those knit picky traffic infractions which Ponch and John let everyone else slide.
~ BANG! It happens, just like that: A 42 in a 35? Then, a 73 in a 65? Thereafter, a 30 in a 25?
~ Just like that, you could one day find yourself, teetering, edging near financial ruin, but for no good reason than two complete idiots, name of Ponch & John, singling you out, arbitrarily deciding to get knit-picky, about your driving, but for no good reason you're an atypical driver, in an atypical car, who got himself caught-out.
~ Teetering, on the edge: Three Points on your DMV. It's a lonesome feeling. Just one more, automatic suspension, you are done for. Just one more point against your driving privilege, and your whole life is going to change.
~ It could happen, to anybody, anytime. Just like that, three points stacked up, neat and pretty, on your DMV? What are you going to do? Take the fucking bus? Have your wife drive you, to work? Have your mommy run you around, on dates, Saturday night? Are you prepared, for this? What are you going to do, when that 4th point comes knocking? Walk that line? Or, tipetoe over it?
~ Pressure is on... what are you going to do?
"...Perhaps f I just take it easy, for the next year! I can pull this off! I just won't get anymore tickets! I'll be very careful! I can do that!"
~ Think you can pull it off?
~ Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock... Ponch & John get knit-picky, with you, just like that, you're three points down, on your DMV. Just one more innocuous citation, is all it takes, and your driver's license, your livelihood, your bread and butter... poof-gone.
~ They cite sports cars guys for petty infractions they let everyone else slide. We've seen Ponch & John, tag-team, stalking Ferrari and Lamborghini guys, from Los Angeles, all the way to Palm Springs. We watched Ponch and John trail a Lotus Elise guy, from Willow Springs International Raceway, all the way to Ventura.
~ Make no mistake: Ponch & John single-out the sports car cohort.
~ Oh, you don't know how it is we could think what it is we thing? All this sounds contrived; far fetched? You think we make all this stuff up, right off the top of our heads? None of this makes any sense, to you whatsoever?
~ I know, all too well, two guys, name of Ponch & John. I have four scholastic degrees, dedicated to the theory of bureaucratic behavor. I know those two guys, better than they know themselves. I know enough to know: If they suspect you have a sweet tooth, for canyon driving? They find out you're trimmed-out, dance floor suspension, optimized for Godspeed, deep in God's canyons? Those two guys are going reach out, and they are going to touch you. They see you, so natural, postured, so poised, at one, driving your go-fast driving machine? Two guys, name of Ponch & John, see you, looking sharp, in your go-fast machine? Like a piece of candy, to a baby, they are going to make a concerted effort, to reach out and touch you. Ponch & John are going to make a grab, for your hot wheels (e.g., new vehicle confiscation ordinance, here in Los Angeles). They're going to make a grab, for some of your cash (e.g., traffic ticket revenue). And, they're going to arbitrarily decide to get knit-picky (e.g., DMV point scheme), in hope of dinging-up your driving priviledge, asunder, for no good reason than you, a very special driver, drives a very special machine.
~ They are going to smack you down.
~ Intellectualize what just hypothetically happened to you: You work hard. You do pretty good. Enough so, you rewarded yourself, with the nicest soprts car you could afford. Then, it happened: A 42 in a 35? Then, a 73 in a 65? Thereafter, a 30 in a 25? Just like that you're in, at the deep end, three points down, on your DMV, not a-one of them alcohol related, no accidents, you never hurt a soul. You never ran a stop sign. You've never enev dinged a door. But for no good reason than Ponch and John, singling you out, because you rewarded yourself a sports car, for your had work and success, just one more point, and your financial life, as you know it, is done for. Just one mistake, just one more point, you're going to lose license.
~ Oh, your occupational rivals are going to rip you apart. How in hell are you going to explain this, your next board meeting? Know what they're going to say? I do (e.g., you'll know it's all over, when they've begun talking about you, in the third person):
"OH, HEY EVERYBODY! GUESS WHO'S IN TROUBLE WITH... HIS DRIVER'S LICENCE? "...someone perhaps you always thought of, as a close colleague, putting you on the spot.
~ A silence in the conference room... Getting a little hot, under the collar. Everybody knows it's you.
"GOOD GOD! HOW COULD SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" ...someone else perhaps you though you could always trust?
"Well, you see? It wasn't anything alcohol related; nothing like that. It's like this: I got a 73 in a... [SNIP]."
"...CHECK'S IN THE MAIL! THIS WILL ONLY HURT, A LITTLE! AND I PROMISE NOT TO CUM IN... [SNIP]" ...despite the interruption, draws silly laughter, from everyone in the room.
"No! It's not like that, at all! It's a fluke. You see, I got a 73 in a 65, then I got a... [SNIP]." ...interrupted, everybody still chuckling.
"...YUP, THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY! CUMMON! TELL THE TRUTH, NOW! THAT WAS YOU WE SAW, ON TV, LAST NIGHT, WASN'T IT?" ...draws more laughs.
"No! Nothing like like that, at all! Same thing could happen
to anybody. You see, I got a 73 in a 65, then I got
a...[SNIP]." ...interrupted.
"SERIOUSLY EVERYBODY! QUIET DOWN! THIS IS SERIOUS!"
"Thank you! Odd circumstance, same thing could otherwise happen to any one of you. First, they nailed me on RADAR, going 42 in a 35, then a...[SNIP]." ...interrupted.
"...HOW CAN HE BE EXPECTED TO DIRECT WEST COAST OPS, WHEN HE CAN'T SO MUCH AS MANAGE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?" ...doesn't have to be true. All they have to do, is say so.
"No! I haven't mismanaged my driver's license. Same thing could happen...[SNIP]." ...interrupted.
"...HE CAN'T EVEN MANAGE HIS LICENSE! THAT IS A VERY GOOD POINT" ...doesn't have to be true. All they have to do, is acknowledge it.
"No! It's not a good point. Nor is it relevent! I haven't lost my driver's license, yet! Same thing could...." You try to continnue, but it's no use. Everyone's already made up their minds. They are going to shit can you. Even if they don't, you're finished, just the same. A known quantity, or so they think, that is about as far as you'll ever progress, in your career. Likelihood now looms large they'll edge you out. Unrelenting pressure you're under won't make things easy, at home.
"POOR GUY... LOOK AT HIM. FALLING APART. HE USED TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL. WE NEED GET CONTROL. PULL HIM ASIDE, THIS AFTERNOON..." Your CEO whispering, behind his hand, to your direct supervisor.
~ Your wife married you on the basis you're a good provider. Losing your license constitutes grounds sufficient for divorce. Justifiably so, she could walk away, and clean you out. Just one more point against your license, you are going to be the laughing stock of your neighborhood, and your wife is off the hook, scot free, to bounce on the mattress with the first twenty-something who comes along. Three points down, for the next year, everytime you spark ignition, you'll walk the line. Three points down, for the next year, driving in your car, everytime you encounter a black & white, you're body will react, instinctively, much like that of an ex-convict.
~ Ponch & John are trained to detect that! That, alone, could get you in huge trouble! That instinctive reaction invites suspicion! Over the course of the next year, that instinctive reaction will become manifast... You will wind up flunking every polygraph you'll ever take, for the rest of your life, because of that.
~ Cold sweat, awaking up from a nightmare, middle of the night: There they were, Ponch & John, right behind you, smiling, their screamers wailing, hitting you with their reds and blues, secretly hoping to knotch their holsters, hang your driving privilege, on their mantle, like a trophy, tagging you with your 4th point, in 12 months... automatic suspension. You tried to run, but couldn't get away. Ponch & John slowly reeled you in. They got so close, it woke you up, middle of the night.
~ Pretty smart guy who, through circumstance policymakers never envisioned, finds himself three points down, and almost out, domino affect, rippling throughout your microcosm, this is something you've never been never been through, before. Something in you suddenly screams: "...WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?"
~ Then, you remember: That web site you once visited! It finally clicks. Now, you can relate. Now you know --exactly-- what it was that guy was trying to say, to you. You'll think to yourself, "Ah, shit. Now, I know what he meant. Arrrgh, I must be a schmuck. Sure wished I didn't write what I wrote, in their guestbook."
~ Only then, will it become evident: "The hypocracy! I never had a drink, in my life! I'm a great parent! A dedicated husband! I've never had an accident, in my life! I've never hurt a soul! I'm three points down, teetering, brink of disaster! I'm the laughing stock of my neighborhood! Yet, all these drunk drivers, not a fucking care, in the world? This is so unfair! "
~ Anger, far more useful to us, than dispair, now you've clicked... now you can relate. Now you know --exactly-- what it is that guy, who's writing this stuff, is trying to reach out, and say, to you.
~ Do you know the score? You'd better: It could happen, to you, anytime, but for no good reason, than having rewarded yourself a sports car. Systematically singled-out, by Ponch & John, if it's any one thing those in our group are especially vigilent, it's our driving privilege. You could never pick us out of a crowd. We drive low profile daily drivers. When we spark up our two-seaters, risk a drive in the canyons? Bet your bottom dollar... we are dead serious.
~ Our only significant systematic risk beta, the rest of this page is dedicated, to just that: DMV Scoring.
~ Aforementioned scenario we just put you through, humble apologies for having done that to you, many of us in this group have reached out to help those of us who've had to go through such difficulty as that. It's a lonesome feeling. We know what to do. We know what not to do. Utmost sincerity, it's our hope we reach you, long before those dominos fall. We aspire to your thanks, nothing more, for having taken time to write, for you, what we've written, directly below:
Managing Your Driving Privilege
~ Always Remember: Mometary amount of the fine imposed upon you is insignificant. That is the cost of doing business. Only thing you should care about, is not accruing points against your driving privilege.
~ If you have a DUI, or a DWI? Then, you're an idiot. How could you be so stuipd? How could we ever respect anyone with so a low a reverence, placed upon their driving? We're sorry, but none of this content is remotely applicable to drunks. Content on this web site isn't geared to shit-for-brain drunks, or junkies. This content is geared to individuals whose religion is driving, who subsequently find themselves in peril, singled-out by traffic enforcement, for no good reason than being a sports car guy.
~ Natural drivers are God's equilavent to "A" students behind the wheel. A natural driver's mean disposition lies between maximum tyre adhesion and maximum torsional sideslip. That is our true µ (e.g., mean; average). We regress (e.g., gravitate) to that. We sinusodially fluctuate, in frequency, about a mean value velocity significantly above that of common motorists. We always have. We always will. We cannot change that. Nor can you. Everytime we get behind the wheel, try as we might to hold ourselves back. We cannot. We regress to our mean. Subsequently finding ourselves way up our speedos, triple digits, in four wheel drift, naturally, on the way to work, sometimes we get caught out.
~ Invariably, we're cited by traffic enforcement officers wholly oblivous to our plight who could give a flying fuck about anything but their traffic ticket quota. Despite the fact we have impeccably maintained machines, speed rated rubber, and credentials behind the wheel a mile long, most in this group boasting regional or national championships, we merit no distinction whatsoever from anyone else, with one notable exception: We're the ones they want, most.
~ There is nothing which gives Ponch & John a bigger hard-on, than having knotched their holster, having mopped up a sports car guy. They go out of their way to nail us. They live for that... Heed the following, grasshopper:
~ So, you racked up three points on your DMV. You're teetering, on the edge, a comprehensive persoanl disaster that could potentially wipe you out. Heed the following:
1.)__Rigorous Analysis (e.g., Pattern Recognition): Survey your circumstances. Pour over your DMV. Know when your points start dropping off. If you've accumulated three points, within 12 months, the first one incurred, January of your calander year? Then Febuary of next year, it will have dropped off, and you'll have two points left. Rifle back, pour over all your traffic tikets... see if there anything you overlooked. Al this may not necessarily be your fault, afterall. Were they all those tickets written by one traffic cop? Were they all written, at the same time of day? The same place? The same vehicle? Were there any mistakes made, on any of those citations? Drill down, hard. Have a good long look. Think back. Try to cecall all angles (e.g., if one of your three points was RADAR, tagging you from more than 20 degrees acute, then you need to go back, and fight that ticket; more than 20 degrees, then they have to write-off that citation, and they know it).
2).__Simulate the Mean: Now is the time to do those mods you've been contemplating. Time to mothball you go-fast Sunday Driver, until TWO (2) points have dropped, from your DMV. That any potential citation you're likely to incur, in your go-fast Sunday driver, is likely to be two point infraction? You'll have to bleed-off two of your three points, before you can spark ignition, again, on your Sunday driver. If you've accumulated three points, within 12 months, the first one incurred, January of your calander year? The second one in April. The third one in August? Then, you'll have to wait until June of next year, when two points will have dropped, you'll have one left, only then you can safely spark ignition on your Sunday driver.
3).__Out of State Residence: Retroactive, upon having received your 3rd citation, within a 12 month period, before you even pay the fine, you suck it up, call in sick, immediately head for the nearest city over your state line, to obtain another driver's license, in that state. If you have relatives, or loved ones out-of-state? That is perfect! Once out-of-state, obtain a second second insurance policy, addressed to your out-of-state address, and take it with you, to the local DMV, to obtain your out-of-state driver's license. In doing so, do not surrender your California Driver's license. Once it's mailed, to your out-of-state address, have the person there put it in the stamped, preaddressed envelope you've left behind, to mail it, directly to you.
4).__Rental Cars (e.g., justification for an out-of-state driver's license): A Nevada driver's license, with California plates is a bust. Once you've received your out-of-state license, driving low profile rental cars, as much and often as you can possibly afford (e.g., it's only 25 bux a day), diminishes likelihood law enforcement could peg you, as a resident, using an out of state license. Any sunsequent points you incur will accrue on your out-of-state driver's license number, instead of the one you're trying to protect. The best rental vehicle you could possibly select is anything small, which looks low profile, or indicative of a company car, or a commercial vehcile.
5).__Safety in Numbers Hypothesis: Having just merged, onto the freeway, set cruise control, and intently wait. What you're looking for is a fast moving pack of cars, to pass you by. Once that happens, then you can set sail, in their wake, half mile, or so, behind. Chances are, they'll be the once who get the ticket.
6).__Feeding Frenzies: Alert yourself potential feeding frenzies. Over the course of the next year, you will encounter several. Aforementioned "safety in numbers hypothesis" is not impeccable. Ponch and John oftentimes use "ringers." Also known as a "rabbit," Ponch will sail past you, on the freeway, blowing triple digits, in his personal vehicle, while his pal, John, waits for you, up ahead, with the RADAR. Knowing full well motorists will see Ponch, streaking by, 95 miles per hour, everybody he passes, lulled into a false sense of security, subsequently throttles down, perhaps to 80 MPH, thinking that guy who passed them, like they were standing still, will be the one who gets the ticket. SURPRISE! In reality, Ponch is lapping, "up and back," exiting the freeway, doing exactly the same thing, back and forth, along a 10 mile stretch. Lapping a ten mile stretch of freeway, encouraging motorists on both sides, to throttle down, they subsequently swoop down, like vultures, upon us (e.g., feeding frenzy), writing traffic tickets as though they're trying to win the trip, to Hawaii. Ponch & John like to pull this stunt, on holiday weekends. Holiday weekends, leave the driving chores to your best gal, until your points drop off.
7).__Knit-Picky Risk Factors: You have to be down for this. It is going to be a year, before those three points drop off. Potential two point infractions, do not incur your forth and a fifth point against your driving privilege, being stupid, making ticky-tacky rookie mistakes, which can be paired-up. Make complete stops. Make sure you have a front plate. Use your belts. Mind limit lines. Use your directionals. Start using autopilot (e.g., your cruise control). Maintain a vigil over all your light bulbs, and mind any potential fix-it infractions which could result in you getting pulled-over.
8).__Wives & Girlfriends: Worth at least twice their weight, in Gold, double or triple your passenger seat time, riding shotgun with with your best gal, as much as humanly possible.
9).__Small Lightweight Vehicles: Smaller RADAR signature, harder to tag, with laser, driving lightweight vehicles is constitutes an absolute advantage. Three points looming large, on your DMV, we recommend you bone up, with a RADAR detector, IFF you commute roads which aren't well traveled, IFF you drive anything but a lightweight vehicle, OR IFF the device is integrated. More often, than not, presence of a RADAR detector invites closer scrutiny. Choice is yours. If it's me, three points down, on my DMV? I definitely would, but only in my daily driver. I would otherwise prefer a lightweight, low profile daily driver.
10)._Stress Relief: Three points on your DMV, waiting on your 4th, is excrutiating. Three points down, for the next year, everytime you spark ignition, you'll walk the line. Three points down, everytime you encounter a police car, you're body will react, instinctively, much like that of an ex-convict. Ponch & John are conditioned, to detect that! That instinctive reaction invites closer scrutiny! That, alone, could earn you your 4th! Over the course of the next year, that instinctive reaction will become manifast. As a result, you will likely flunk every polygraph you'll ever take, for the rest of your life. Alternative pursuit, you have to alleviate that stress, constructively. The next year is going to be rough. You have to find a releif valve... You cannot screw up.
FAIR WARNING: Stressed out, walking the line, three points on your DMV, do not compound the problem, taking it out on your best gal. This is the time to cut loose, on the checkbook, rack-up the credit cards, go to town, butter her up. Let her run amok, buying shit for the house. Women love to redecorate! So, give her Carte Blanche; let her feather her nest. Let her make the house as gaudy as she aspires it to be, while you straighten yourself out. Your days are numbered. Three points on your DMV, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, if you get your 4th, that constitutes sufficient grounds for divorce. Get your 4th, she could clean you out. Right now, you need her more than she needs you. Chips are down, she is all you have. Treat her like a Goddess. It is going to take you a year to straighten out your shit. DO NOT COMPOUND THE PROBLEM. DO NOT SCREW THIS UP. You can get through this. We have. And, so can you...
~ No matter the penalty, countermeasures always (...ALWAYS) pan out under cost-benefit analysis. Especially so, the lighter the weight for your vehicle. Henceforth, get used to lightweight vehicles, with small RADAR signatures.
~ You have a decision to make with respect to Laser and RADAR: Active or Passive Countermeasures.
~ Active countermeasures, you should spare no expense. Employ only the most diligent, dedicated, highly educated electronics specialists for whom to custom engineer your klystron (e.g., RADAR jammer). Typical cost outlay should range between 15 to 50 thousand dollars, for an instant-on jamming suite. Never buy off-the-shelf RADAR jammers. Inexpensive, off-the-shelf jammers typically increase your RADAR signature. Heaven help you if you're busted with a RADAR jammer. Last thing you want to do is scatter microwaves, indiscrimantly, about the countryside. Laser jammers are perfectly legal (they aren't regulated, by the FCC). RADAR jammers, are. If you're caught with a RADAR jammer, then you had better get yourself a damned good attorney. Be able to prove that your jammer is a RADAR activated unit... that, when behind the wheel, you have no control of it, whatsoever; that your RADAR jammer is police activated (e.g., you never turned it on; the traffic cop did).
~ Passive countermeasures are the most conservative way to go (...with regard to RADAR). Given a lightweight machine, the best RADAR detector is worth it's weight in gold. If you have a lightweight automobile, relative to other heavier automobiles, and a top quality RADAR detector, you will enjoy a huge comparative advantage over your fellow motorists. Even if it's subsequently confiscated, your RADAR detector did it's job. RADAR detectors are a sunk cost... cost of doing business for 10/10ths canyon drivers. I could care less if mine is confiscated.
~ Remember: Your RADAR detector is a sunk cost. And, the fine imposed upon you is insignificant. All you should care about, the only thing that matters, is not accruing points against your driving privilege.
~ Our judicial system is a huge, cumbersome bureaucracy. It needs behemoth infusions of capital to sustain it. Sooner or later, it is a statistical certainty you will incur a traffic infraction, you will be pulled-over, roadside, by a heavily armed government agents, and you will be shaken down by the court system, for a couple hundred bux. It's inevitable.
~ Traffic fines you pay are what economists collectively refer to as a trade impediment; a red tape barrier to entry; a local content requirement; a randomly imposed tariff.
~ So the argument goes, the cost of your traffic ticket is merely a transfer. The loss to the motorist equals the gain to the judicial system. Perfect efficiency. No deadweight loss. Right? This rationalization is woefully inadequate. Suppose someone stole your bicycle? Well, the bicycle doesn't disappear. But, the reciprocal of your loss isn't merely someone else's gain. The individual who stole your bicycle imposes a social cost, upon society, in that, if the time spent planning and excuting the theft of your bicycle was otherwise spent, building another bicycle, society would, instead, enjoy two bicycles, not just one.
~ Tax collectors with shotguns and night sticks... Parasites. A drain on the economy. They are inefficient.
~ Way over his head, don't even bother trying to explain that to the traffic cop who's writing you a traffic ticket. Keep in mind the average police officer has very little college under his belt. Even less math. Basically, these guys are bullies, with itchy trigger fingers, and an insatiable sweet tooth for control, who would otherwise relish in embellishing themselves by bludgeoning you, with their battons.
~ When you see those lights flashing, behind you? You have two choices: Pull over. Or, put the hammer down.
~ In the suburbs, or suburbs, is one thing. You pull over. You take your medicine.
~ In the canyons, in your trimmed-out, lightweight go-fast daily driver, is another thing, entirely. You know the oficer you just passed could not possibly have gotten your plates. Such a huge comparative advange, you have a choice: pull over, and get a ticket, or maintain your pace and test the commitment of the officer, in a cumbersome machine, who could never otherwise catch you in the tight succession of ciruituious transitions, ahead.
~ To live and die, in L.A., three choices, in God's canyons; choice is yours: break out, pull over, or walk away. Snap decision; could change your life, altogether. The decision is entirely yours. You have a split second to make that decision. Better be the correct one, my friend. Heed the following advice:
~ If you try to break out? You have 5 minutes, if that, to get the job done, before aerial reconniassance intercepts you. Once that happens, its gets ugly. You are going to make the six O'Clock news. You are going to lose your job. Your neighbors are going to think you're a lunatic. Your wife is going to trade you in on a newer model (...a much younger one), your kids are going to be tortured by their classmates, until their senior year, while you write off the next decade thinking about it, with Bubba, at the gray bar motel.
~ Then again, deep in God's canyons? Miles of tight, technical canyon road in front of you? In your lightweight two-seater? That sticky rubber? All those subtle modifications? That piece of road, ahead, that you could drive in your sleep? No way that overweight cruiser, by the time he does his U-turn, is ever going to get close enough to get a read on your license plate.
~ If he's a motorcycle cop? Well, he's still going to have to make that U-turn. His only hope, is you, chancing upon a slower vehicle you can't pass, and lots of intermediate straightaways, where he can reel you in with his acceleration. Beyond that initial burst of acceleration, no way he can hang with you, 10/10ths, through tight transitions. He doesn't have the brakes, much less the balls. If he leans it down too far, he'll dig a foot peg into the road. And, that motorcycle cop cannot radio for aerial reconniassance (...a helicopter) when he's 10/10ths, in transitions, trying to run you down.
~ Assuming you've decided to break out? There had better be at least 3 alternative routes you will encounter, during the next 5 minutes. Ex post of those three alternate routes, there should be a mimimum of at least two alternatives for each of the previous three which are dendritically diffused, like a decision tree unfolding before you, as a function of geographic extent, which will subsequently provide sanctuary, saftey in numbers, or terminal velocity egress (lost in a sea of other motorists; underground parking). Otherwise, you stand a good chance of being acquired by aerial reconnissance. Unarmed, no surface-to-air missile strike axiom, once having been locked-on by aerial surveillance, you'll have to AVERAGE 150 mph to outrun a police helicopter. And, you'll have to sustain it. You'll have to have the fuel on board for which to do so (40 U.S. Gallons, minimum). And, let's hope you have a license plate cover which refracts light, so the on-board camera can't zoom in. Let's hope you have run-flats (extended mobility tyres), should one of them blow. Let's hope you have clear road ahead, no undulation, traffic accidents, no road construction. Let's hope you know the road, ahead (...like the back of your hand).
Breaking-Out: Pointers to 10/10ths Canyon Drivers in the Lower Transverse Ranges
~ If you're one of those guys, with an altered geometry suspension, OR aftermarket wheels, OR an aftermarket exhaust then, as per the "Operation Safe Canyon" Smokescreen policy, Ponch & John have Carte Blanche. Policy community's blessing, caught in the canyons, with an altered geometry suspension, OR aftermarket wheels, OR an aftermarket exhaust, Ponch & John can mop you up... do anything to you they want to do.
~ Carte Blanche...
~ So long as what your driving doesn't have (... imagine we've drawn a Venn diagram) an altered geometry suspension, OR aftermarket wheels, OR an aftermarket exhaust, then you can do anything you want to do, in the Santa Monica transverse ranges.
~ "Operation Safe Canyon" smokescreen, there's got to be some SEMA marketing schmuck, out there, crunching the numbers, wondering what the hell's happened? Why they're getting so many strange orders, for high performance parts, for such strange cars? Guys at Koni must be scratching their their heads, about now, wondering why, so suddenly, they're selling so many sport shocks, for such weird cars(!)?
~ Testing our "Operation Safe Canyon" smokescreen hypothesis, we recently put 31 of our daily drivers, right through the middle of the "Operation Safe Canyon" smokescreen. Strangest rally we have ever had. Everyone showing up, in work attire (e.g., soz not to look, like the canyon driving terrorists!). The women in our group dressed up, like Stepford wives. I wore a bow tie. Strange...
~ Better to look good, than to feel good...
~ It was fun, hanging it out, putting our daily drivers, hard, in the canyons, slow speed fun. You walk away with a real appreciation, for that lightweight machine of yours, sitting in the garage, collecting dust. Edging out, in our humble, low profile daily drivers, I wasn't the only one limping home, that night.
~ My left front was toast.
~ Since then, our group's gone berserk, placing orders for high performance suspension components, for their low profile daily drivers.
~ Not one person in this group is willing to risk an altered ride height, on their daily drivers. As of this writing, we're spending what we otherwise would, to avert having to subsequently contend with heat soak maladies associated with the chore of baffling-up our go-fast Sunday drivers, instead, boning up with Konis, and sway bars, and solid brake lines, Axxis Ultimate Brake pads, for our low profile daily drivers (!). Incredible! Day, and night. What a difference that made! Next up, for my humble daily driver, is a 90/130 upgrade, an aggressive alignment, and high durometer bushings.
~ I'm not going to make the mistake of washing it. Mind you, it's going to be clean. But, it's going to look dirty (...if that makes any sense).
~ Up there, in the middle of the Operation Safe Canyon smokescreen, don't appear as though what your driving is something you really care about, and you'll do just fine. Top of Latigo, Cornel & Mulholland, Stunt, and rovers, somewhere in the Encinal-Decker-Mulholland vicinity, is where Ponch & John will intercept you.
~ Emerge, PCH (e.g., Pacific Coast Highway), you're goose is cooked. If you've got the bit between your teeth? Going hammer & tongs, Ponch and John vectoring in, on you, trying to flush you out of the canyons? And, you've decided to go for it? You've decided to break out?
~ Then, get inland. Do not (...NOT) get flushed out, on PCH.
~ Emerge, on PCH, you have 45 seconds, until you're acquired. All they have to do is loiter a chopper, a quarter mile offshore, dial up the thermal infrared, and they can see every car that emerges, from Yerba Buena, all the way down, to Topanga.
~ Sanctuary is inland. Get to US 101? Then, if you do it right, you are home, free. Always remember: You have got to get North. Flee southbound, you are a sitting duck.
~ Breaking out, eastbound, off Hwy 101, you want the Valley Circle exit. To its northbound extent, it spills out, at Plummer. From there, it's a quick burst, north, to Box Canyon Road. Through the Santa Susana Pass, you can make a break, for Filmore, via Grime's Canyon.
~ If you decide to go eastbound, Plummer dead ends. Scoot up, to Lassen, pick up the 118, from Tampa (...not DeSoto; not Topanga). Quick burst, down the 118, you want the Balboa exit, going northbound, to San Fernando Rd.
~ San Fernando Road will eventually become Bouquet Canyon Rd... Perfect!
~ If you break out, westbound, on the 101, then find your way, to Erb's Road.
~ Thousand Oaks is curvalinear, in its spatial structure (e.g., rectilinear is bad; curvalinear is good). Your get out of jail free card: Get to Erb's Road, they will never find you (e.g., know Thousand Oaks, like the back of your hand).
~ Flushed out, onto PCH, you are done for. They are going to swipe your ride, smack you around, a little, to make themselves feel better, then toss you in, at the gray bar motel, shoot some cool video of you, with lonesome, misunderstood Bubba, for Ponch and John's next Bachelor party.
~ My neighbor, down the street, is a prison guard. Strange guy, with an even stranger home movie archive... He loves his job.
~ Rule of thumb: No matter where you are, never-never-never attempt to break out, southbound magnitude, in L.A. Get north...
~ Rule of thumb: Get north. Do not get flushed out, on PCH. If you're up there, between Topanga, and Yerba Buena, and there's noplace to go, but southbound? No other choice, but south? Then, pull off, immediately, stash your car, someplace safe, lock the keys inside, suck it up, and start walking.
~ No shame in that. I've done that, more than once... Works everytime (e.g., Ponch & John are prohibited from interfering with the mainstream of legitimate commerce; that is a federal offense).
~ Start walking, pick up the cell, and call for a ride. Then, call a tow truck to flat-bed your ride, to your local dealership.
~ That AAA Plus Premium thing, you can do that, eight times a year, up to 200 miles, free. AAA has bailed me out of trouble, more times than I can shake a stick at. Great service. They're always glad to help.
~ Walking away, hopefully you've had the presence of mind to turn off your car alarm; disconnect the negative terminal, to your battery. Walking away, you have to leave your keys behind. And, do not have your vehicle towed home. Direct them to tow your vehicle, to the dealer, nearest your home. Call the dealership; tell them you want an oil change, nothing more, and to send their shuttle, to pick you up, and to bring you there, when they're through.
~ Assuming you've thought the better of it, pulled over, here's some important things to keep in mind:
Sucking it Up: Roadside Interrogation (Rationing Relevant Information)
~ Police officers... One time, I had a young Barney Fife type police officer draw down on me. Honest mistake. Thought I was somebody else:
"Police. Exit the vehicle. Put your hands up. Turn around. On your knees. Lay face down on the ground, asshole!"
~ Not likely...
"Flail away, slugger. I'm sorry. But, I'm not lying down in the dirt in a $1200 business suit, for no good reason."
~ To their heart's content, free from constraint, flailing away with that nightstick, that is what Ponch & John aspire to. And, that is exactly what he did. He did a number on me. He enjoyed it, too. Nobody around with a cam-corder, though. Too bad. What goes around, comes around. Years later, he got his (Rodney King thing).
~ Keep in mind: Police officers don't intrepret law. They merely enforce it. They just do what the policy community tells them to do. If the penal code called for roadside corporal punishment? That is what they otherwise wish they could do. They aren't very smart. And, they have no respect, whatsoever, for those who lack, for self-esteem.
~ What they do have is a refined, polished, perfected, time-honed repertoire specifically designed to trip you up, and they use those time worn games they play, much like traveling salesmen giving you the speel, to trip you up, and pepper you, doing numbers on your head, with what you would never otherwise anticipate:
"Why were you driving recklessly, weaving unsafely, in an out of traffic?"
~ Here, he gets away with two things: He's begging for your excuse. Once you give it to him, it validates his premise, and your goose is cooked. Once you reply with the excuse he begs, he'll write that down on the back-side of his copy of the ticket, soz the judge can see what you said.
~ Our time honed response to that: Don't answer. Leave a short psychological pause that awkwardly hangings there. Never answer any of the officer's questions pertaining to your traffic infraction. Disregard it, completely, and counter, in a friendly, relaxed tone, simple sincere smile, with one of your own (...tit for tat):
"Well, good afternoon to you, officer," a simple, sincere smile; a respectful nod, "What are you guys asking for, these days? Driver's license? Proof of insurance? Vehicle registration?"
~ Make him respond to you (e.g., If he calls you, sir, then you know you're going to get a ticket):
"... Just your drivers license and registration, sir."
~ Then follow-up, sincerely:
"Well, let's see what we can do about that," another cut smile. "Listen: I have got to prop the lid when I'm stationary, air out my engine bay, or my intercoolers are going to heat soak, and I'll never get restarted. Or, I have to let her idle. Either way, preferably both, it's entirely up to you, officer. If neither, then tell me, now, so I can call for a flat bed , to come get me. Okay?"
~ Notice what we've done, here. We've empowered the guy. Yielding no relevant information, mind you. But, we've conceeded something. He gets to make an arbitrary decision, for us, with regard to a very expensive automobile. Don't be stupid, and pull the heat-soak excuse, if you're in your daily driver. If you're in your daily driver? Then, act like someone who's in their daily driver. If you're in your hyper-fast Sunday driver, with eight sequential turbochargers? Then fine, by all means, act like a conservative, responsible enthusiast, who's concerned his intercoolers might be incipient, to orgasm.
~ Direct the conversation. Be calm, confident, nonchalant, relaxed, with an inward confidence, cooperative... a gentleman at all times. Even tone: Never raise your voice. Make that dimwit feel as though he'd rather be you, than himself. Make him admire you. Make him want to be you.
~ But, don't give him any information. Always deny information. Never try to talk your way out of a traffic ticket. Never ask for instruction. Assume he's going to write you up. Foremost, never (...NEVER) give him information. Until it becomes a statistical certainty that you are not suspect, never-never-never surrender information to Ponch & John.
~ If you have a DUI, or a DWI? Sorry, but all of this is out the window; none of what you've just read is remotely applicable to you. Once the traffic officer runs your DMV? That 502 is going to pop up on his monitor. You are instantly a known quantity... a shit for brains drunk driver who deserves every traffic ticket he gets.
Managing Your Traffic School Proxy
~ Rule of Thimb: Never-never-never, incur an alcohol related offense. Never incur an anger related offense. Never incur a violence related offense. Any of those things, your bargaining power in the courts is substantially diminished.
~ Your traffic school proxy doesn't help you one iota, if you've racked up a certain number of points within a certain period of time. Your traffic school proxy is utterly worthless, but for one thing: insurance company notification.
~ Invariably, after receiving a traffic ticket, you'll run through an archetypical behavioral cycle where, first week or so, you're ready to go to court, save who may, and duke it out. Couple weeks later, your righteous indignation begins to wear thin, and you'll suck it up. Just, pay the thing through the mail. Perhaps spend your traffic school proxy.
~ Big mistake.
~ Right or wrong, always (ALWAYS) contest moving violations. The more trivial the infraction, the the more rigorous you fight. Preserve your traffic school proxy. Save your traffic school proxy, to negate 2 point infractions. Don't spend your traffic school proxy friviously. Save it, as though it were a bargaining chip. You need to have that, in the bank, when you go to court. Your traffic school proxy is best spent, by your Judge.
~ Your traffic school proxy is best spent negating two-point infractions.
Street-Racer's Secret Black Hole Loophole:_Rest in Peace
~ Best kept secret, in car culture! It was wonderful, while it lasted!
~ I first heard of this back in high school. One of my schoolmates, hung like a Tennessee mule, was banging this older, middle aged woman who, at the time, worked for the court. He got a pretty nasty ticket, but was afraid to tell his parents, for fear he'd get grounded for the rest of his adolescent life. He confided in that woman he was banging, instead. She told him, "...Relax, sugar. Just tack on another 5 bux, atop the fine and, problem solved."
~ "AAAARROOOOOOW? " I thought, to myself. Wasn't long after I got my driver's license, before I got my first traffic ticket. Sure enough, this black hole thing was the real deal. Not only did it work? It worked, flawlessly! Like clockwork, this was something you could count on.
~ Best kept secret, in the history of car culture, spanning must have been several decades, it used to be that, if you paid your traffic citation through the mail? But, tacked on a few extra bux, atop of the fine? Mysterously, you wouldn't accrue points against your driver's license! On account that only completely resolved cases could be released, to the DMV, if you paid a few insignificant bux more? A few bux, over and above amount of the fine, when mailing in your ticket? Just the right amount, too small for the courts to rebate the difference, by writing a check? Your traffic citation would slip, into a black hole, and would never get reported, to the DMV. Somehow, paying extra snagged up your traffic ticket, someplace. Either that, or it triggered something, inside the courthouse, that they weren't equipped to handle. Or perhaps, there at the courts, those people had themselves a nice little slush fund going.
~ In other words, pay a few bux more, you could rack up speeding tickets, to your heart's content, and never have your car insurance go up. Heh-heeeeh! Perhaps it was something indicative of a safety valve, keep upper class young men, with fancy cars, out of trouble, and artificially lower the number of traffic tickets generated, by young men, to a politically correct ratio?
~ Whatever it was? I could care less. I thought, to myself, at the time: "... A Godsend! Pot of gold, at the end of the rainbow! What a wonderful thing! May faith, restored! Thank my lucky stars, for that horny old woman! There's must be God, in Heaven, after all! And, he likes me... very-very much! "
~ Heh-heh-heeeh! Four tickets, my first month, if not for that horny old woman, my first driver's license would have been permanently revoked, long before it ever first arrived, in my mailbox.
~ When I found that out? Oh, that was a boon, for me! I could drive like a maniac! To my heart's content! I could smash up the chassis, going off jumps. Racking up tickets, left and right, like no tomorow! And, no matter what? No matter how many tickets I got? I'd still get the safe driver discount, on my car insurance! Heh-heeeeh! Like a kid in the candy store? My first year behind the wheel, was an odyssey! I got tagged, 14 moving violations! But, I didn't care! Thanks, to that horny old woman, not a-one of them ever hit my DMV!
~ Little did parents know! My dear mother, never the wiser: "Oh, my son! He is such responsible young man! Alswys, straight As. So good looking! And, he's such a safe driver! "
~ "Heh-heh-heeeeeeee! " Roaring with laughter! Trailing big, fat, monster black stripes, on the asphalt, hammer down , banging up, no prisoners through my 4-11s, in my SS-454 Chevelle, right in front of campus! Hedonistic adolescent savage I once was, roaring with laughter, pedal to the metal, everywhere I went: "GIVE ME TRAFFIC TICKETS, OR GIVE ME SEX... "
~ Ah! The good 'ol dayz, when the air was dirty, sex clean, and no database inter-operability. Wasn't it was great while it lasted? Racking up tickets, Devil may care, I had the time of my life! I wouldn't mind getting traffic tickets, so much, if it wasn't for the points thing.
~ Cat's out of the bag. Save your pocket change, my friend. Doesn't work, anymore. They plugged the hole. Unless you're a spoiled rotten George Bush, Jr., you can't do that, anymore. If you want to scrub points, then you'll have to have a sympathetic friend, in the courts, a mole embedded deeply, at DMV, or you'll have to contract a hacker to burrow-in, to their database, winnow away your points, perhaps drop in an INIT dedicated to scrubbing any points that land, thereafter.
~ Predictably, somebody opened their yap, and spoiled it. Too many people found out about it. Now, we have to manage our driving privileges, just like everyone else. If you give it a try, in your local municipality, and you find it works? Chime in to the guestbook... let us know! Some places, outside California, it still works.
~ "Hey, Wally? Sort of like cleaning up people's credit for them, a hundred bux a pop, how many millions of dollars could a guy make, erasing people's DMVs?"
~ "Eeeh... probably can't be done, Beeve, on account of data integrity. But, what a terrific business plan that would be!"
~ I think we need more of this particular type of corruption! That, to this day, I thank my lucky stars, for that horny old women, never occurred to me, until just now: I never told her that. I wonder why? Too selfish? Too caught up, in life, I suppose? I wonder what's become of her.
The First Rule of Moving Violations
~ Always contest moving violations. Never (...NEVER) plead guilty...
The Second Rule of Moving Violations
~ The more trivial your moving violation, the more aggressively, and thoroughly it should be fought.
Contesting traffic citations: When you know you're Guilty
~ The first golden rule of moving violations applies: Always contest moving violations. Never (...NEVER) plead guilty.
~ When you know your guilty? Elect to contest, via mail. Your case will subsequently be heard by a "Pro Temp" (e.g., wanabe judge). Sitting in the courtroom, when your turn finally comes, and the officer tells the judge what kind of a shit for brains driver you were, just sit there, patiently, doing nothing. Not a peep. When the Pro Temp asks for your statement? Time to question the officer? Don't... Don't ask any questions. Don't say a word. Don't make any statements. Assert your 5th ammendment privilege. Pay the fine. And, walk out.
~ Why?
Answer: Toggle here with your mouse for the answer
Contesting infractions: When you know you're Not Guilty
~ When you know your not guilty? The second golden rule of moving violations applies: The more trivial or innocuous your infraction, the better prepared you'll need to be.
~ Never (...NEVER) elect to contest, via mail.
~ March yourself down to the courthouse, stand in line, and when your turn comes, you tell the clerk, in no uncertain terms, you want your case heard in front of a judge. Not a lacky Pro Temp. When you know your right, never (...NEVER) have your case heard by a "Pro Temp" (e.g., wanabe judge). When you know you're Not Guilty? You tell the woman behind the counter you refuse to have your case heard by a pro tempure; that you want your case set, before a judge. She'll give you a special piece of paper to sign.
~ Sign that form. While you're at it? Ask for a copy of the back side of the traffic citation, and any disclosures to the judge from Ponch & John.
~ Opting for a judge, you'll have a much better chance the police officer won't bother to show up. Judges are highly paid elected officials. Pro Temps aren't... Traffic cops who write frivilous, meaningless, trivial traffic tickets shrink in front of Judges.
~ But, you'd better be right. Throw on your best suit and tie. Look impeccable. Prepare your case, just as any hot shot attorney would. Make charts (...the more graphics, the better). Be polite. Very respectful (...but don't kiss their asses). Never raise your voice. And, don't worry. You'll do just fine.
~ One day, you are going thank us for having told you that.
Department of Motor Vehicles: Impending Suspension
~ Why put yourself through all that? Why go to court? Contesting every minor traffic infration? When you know you're guilty? Listen up: It doesn't matter if you win, or lose. The amount of the fine is insignificant. Even if you lose, in court? You win. Here's why...
~ Remember: Your goal is the preservation of your driving privilege. You may never win, in court, fighting traffic tickets. But, having contested traffic infractions shows up, on your DMV, if and when you are subsequently called-in, for a hearing, after having accumulated too many points, within a certain period of time.
~ If your license is suspended? Then, what are you going to do? Explain to your board of directors that you can manage the financials of their far flung multinational, when you can't so much as manage your driver's license? You want to have to explain, to your Chief Executive, and all his VPs, why you, their star analyst, has to have his mommy drive him to work, everyday?
~ How humiliating.
~ It could happen to anybody... At anytime. You might subsequently find yourself, back against the wall, having racked up 3 points on your DMV, in a very short period of time. Standing on the edge, just one more point, your driving privileges, poof-gone?
~ Having contested those traffic tickets, the only reason you put yourself through all that, is to notch an administrative notation to your DMV that you contested those citations. When you contest a citation? It shows up, on your DMV.
~ DMV isn't going to explore the merits of every single citation, with regard to what happened in the courtroom. But, when you get called up, for a hearing? Last thing you want the DMV referee to see, is that you layed-down, and sucked it up, having plead guilty, four consecutive times, to four consecutive traffic infractions, within 12 months.
~ When push comes to shove, wouldn't you rather see something indicative of exactly the opposite, on your DMV? Wouldn't you want to give that DMV referee something, anything, for which to go to bat, on your behalf? When that DMV referee sees you've had no accidents, no red light voilations, and no alcohol related offenses, whatsoever? Just stupid, innocuous speeding tickets? Every single one of them, infractions that you've contested?
~ It's going to look like a fluke.
~ To wit, you've done your job. You've done all you can do, to differentiate yourself. They have to give you the benefit of the doubt, to some degree. At worst, you'll get a minimal suspension (...if that).
~ If your license is ever suspended? And, you are subsequently caught driving under suspension? If you're caught driving under suspension, twice? Three times? What are you going to do?
~ What saves you is never having had an alcohol related offense, an accident, no red light violations, and no criminal record. What saves you is having nothing but a meaningless string of trivial, innocuous, speeding tickets. If all you've ever had are a measley collection speeding tickets? All of them, having been written by one police officer? Within a very short period of time? You have basis for reinstatement.
~ Everything we're telling you, here, assumes you've never been convicted of an alcohol related offense. That you've never committed a crime. That you're principle preoccupation isn't hurting people, or trying to steal everyone's chips...
~ When the chips are down? What's your driving record say about you? If 10/10ths canyon driving is your pastime? Pare down your risk factors, bone up with countermeasures, a full suite, exercise taste and preference for lightweight vehicles, and seldom let traffic violations go uncontested (the more trivial they are, the more aggressively you contest them). Only thing we aspire to, is to be appreciated. One day, we hope you'll thank us for having told you all this stuff we've had to find out, the hard way - Mulholland Raceway.
Special Note to Drunks, and Deadbeats
~ If you've ever had a DUI, or a DWI? Then, you people are the ones who traffic enforcement officers should be targeting. Not us.
