Canyon Driving

Heel and Toe For Idiots, 101: An Analogy

"God must have loved the plain people...
He made so many of them!"

Abraham Lincoln

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A signal indication of a wanabe is bared out when someone lamely utters a simple query: "What's heel and toe?" or "How do I heel and toe?" In this respect, average drivers self-select.

Ask for a show of hands all honest people in a room of 100, and you'll count exactly 100 hands; ask for a show of hands in a room of 100, which ones are very-very good behind the wheel, and you'll count exactly 100 hands. No one willingly admits to being a shit for brains behind the wheel. Similarly, we have a vast bureaucracy dedicated to the incarceration of honest people. In reality, 99.99999% of those cast in God's image neatly fall into the average driver category.

It's 99.99999% certain, that you fall in this catagory. Either God gave you the gift, or he didn't. But, have no fear. There's safety in numbers. The clutch soon to go by way of the dinosaur, boy-racer F-1 type shifter automatics and clutchless manual gearboxes will soon ameliorate necessity of heel and toe. A number of manufacturers make this option specifically for people who can't drive worth beans, soz they can "just say no" to heel and toe.

People actually think that auto-X, or learning to heel and toe is a cure-all remedial measure for being a lousy driver. If you have to ask how to heel-and-toe, then there's something wrong. Learning to heel and toe is an inevitable consequence of the quest for speed. It should come naturally, instinctively, and it should come very early in life, as a consequence of high performance driving in its purest, most innocent form. You cannot extract 10/10ths from a sports car with manual transmission without heel and toe.

How obtuse can a driver be? Think about it for a moment. Anyone who's ever tried to go 10/10ths in the canyons, without heel and toe remedial measures, should have asked themselves why their car was so unbalanced, with weight shifting so violently from corner to corner of the car. Heel and toe should have occurred to them as natural consequence of this experience.

Heel and toe is not at all analogous the considerable study hours requisite to activating electrochemical pathways in your brain that enable you to manually perform Calculus, and the modest algebraic gymnastics commonly associated with performing a simple level one integral. Ask someone, anyone, to find the area for the closed interval between x = 0 and x = 2, under the function:

...and, most people can't. Kid stuff. Solution is quite simple:

Solving this problem is unimportant. Why?

Standing aloft, from a 4 foot ledge, 2 feet away from you, I could toss you your car keys, and your brain would instantaneously compute the solution you see above. You would instinctively place your hand exactly where the keys would fall, x = ±2. Your brain instinctively computes level II integrals using a wholly different set of electrochemical pathways that are vastly more efficient than the feeble ones we relegate ourselves to, when we attempt to do so manually, using a formal theoretical language, mathematics (...calculus).

Heel and toe is intuitive. For a natural driver, heel and toe comes instinctively, as a natural consequence of the pursuit of speed. Natural drivers function between maximum tyre adhesion and maximum torsional side slip at a basic pulmonary rate; their heart rate does not increase between this interval. Subsequently, they develop their heel and toe naturally, instinctively, early in life, as an inevitable consequence of balancing their vehicle, at speed. By definition, heel and toe is intuitive. If you have to ask what heel and toe is, or be taught how to do so, then you have an impediment, relative to natural drivers... If you were a natural behind the wheel, then you would know what heel and toe was, without having to ask.

The inclination for heel and toe is analogous to how a child responds to a piano for the very first time: Does he bang away heavy handed upon the keys? Or, perhaps he'll touch the keys gently, and thoughtfully. It's how an individual holds their eating utensils: Does he do so like a truck driver, clinched, as the waitress with the cattle ranch tan serves up the vittles, or does he posture them elegantly, like a civilized human being? Teaching heel and toe to individuals indicative of the former tends to be an exercise in futility. Indicative of the mathematical aspect of the key tossing analogy, it does no good whatsoever learning the cranial aspect of heel and toe when you are oblivious to it in the vernacular. What counts is whether or not you can catch the car keys, not intellectualizing the mathematical aspect of the zero dimensional area solution relative to where you stood when I tossed you your car keys, then later applying it as a formal experiment, ex post an arithmetic epiphany. Doing so is asinine. It should be the other way around: You toss the car keys, your buddy catches them, then you probe into the annals of mathematics for a deeper understanding of your brain's axioms and limitations insofar as its ability to automatically compute complex equations at the applied level, versus the high degree of training prerequisite to doing so in a theoretical language.

The car key analogy isn't theoretically impeccable. No analogy is. But, it serves its purpose quite well. Perhaps you can see the irony here. Indicative of lacking the human capital necessary to calculate the area of the aforementioned function, then subsequently fumbling the car keys, if you have to ask what heel and toe is, then you have failed, on two levels, not one. Not only have you failed to adapt to a necessary prerequisite of car control as a natural consequence of high performance driving? You have revealed that you are a mental midget, incapable of intellectually surmising an intuitive aspect of high performance driving that should have been derived via transitive preference logic...

What do you think heel and toe is? Think it through: You have two feet, three pedals, and must downshift, while simultaneously braking. And, you must do so without disrupting the balance for the vehicle...

Natural driving skills are God given. However, natural drivers tend not to be selfish about aspects of their gift. Instead, they may not be able to articulate what comes natural to them. The truly great drivers seldom know exactly what differentiates them. Physicists aren't world class billiards champions. Steve Miserak, despite his gift, would grasp for words attempting to articulate derivation of the slope of tangency by substitution into first derivative, although this is precisely what he does to perfection at the applied level. Those who can neither articulate this technique scientifically, in theoretical language, nor perform this technique at the applied level constitute 99.999999% of mankind (aka: laymen; average drivers). Those able to intuitively intellectualize heel and toe, but can't drive worth beans? Newsies, guys who design and engineer your automobile, fall neatly into this category. Being able to do either one of the aforementioned is exceptionally rare. Those with the acumen for both are the rarest of the rare.

Your heel-&-toe is one with your driving signature. It's pure style. Because heel and toe is a natural consequence of high performance driving, if you have to ask somebody what heel and toe is, or how to do it, then you automatically fall into the average driver category. Those who learn heel and toe from a scholastic, transitive preference logic standpoint typically revert to their old driving habits, indicative a physicist who myopically believes the acumen for interpreting physical law at the theoretical level implies he would have a comparative advantage in professional billiards. Not true: He would fare no better than a typical used car salesman. A natural driver uses heel and toe as an integral part of his driving; a layman will eventually find that doing so is extraneous, laborious, unnecessary, a nuisance, and will opt for an alternative gearbox solution. After the novelty of heel and toe wears off after a few attempts, layman revert to their old habits. Typically, they're the ones who complain of having to shift in rush hour traffic, or opt for the F1 style semi-automatic gear box option.

And, there's nothing wrong with that. Whatever makes you better behind the wheel? Do it.

There is no self-help textbook entitled Heel & Toe For Idiots. No two methods are exactly the same. There is no right or wrong way. Regardless of what you hear, or what you read from newsie know it alls, that bit about your heel being on the accelerator and your toes on the brakes? Almost no-one does it that way. Whether you realize it or not, your sports car is optimized for heel & toe. You should have discovered this as a natural consequence of your attempt to probe the limits of your sports car. If you cannot probe its limits as a function of personal initiative, then you are not a natural driver, and we highly recommend you forego the experience, lest you get yourself in trouble trying.

Insofar as heel and toe, your goal is to get the job done any which way you can. That being: To tag your downshift, as quickly as possible, under maximum braking, without dragging or pushing (assuming: RWD) the rear end unintentionally each time you release the clutch. Your job is to "re-rev," stabbing the throttle, thereafter releasing the clutch when your revs match your desired wheel speed. All you have to do is find a way of doing so at the same time you're heavy on the brakes, downshifting simultaneously. Doing so is an intuitive thing, like catching those car key I just tossed to you...

Table of Contents

Heel and Toe For Idiots, 201: Weight Transfer

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education."

Wilson Mizner

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Three weight transfer affects are induced when you heel & toe (trail-braking implied):

Heel and Toe Induced Push -

Releasing the clutch when engine speed is GREATER than your wheel speed will PUSH the car. Doing so, you'll transfer weight aft. This is commonly done ex post apex. Patrick Depallier, one the smoothest drivers of the 20th century (perhaps too smooth), advanced ex post apex heel and toe push to an art form driving his 6-wheeled Tyrrell. French drivers seem to show a peculiar aptitude for being quite good at this. Hammer flat to the floor, drag racers during the 1950s perfected speed-shifted. Ex ante apex heel and toe push works well to equalize traction in off-camber turns, but only so long as you have the horsepower, and you stay into the throttle.

Heel and Toe Induced Engine Braking (Oversteer) -

Releasing the clutch when engine speed is LESS than your wheel speed will LOOSEN the car. Doing so, you'll transfer weight fore. This is commonly done ex ante apex, in world rally. Race drivers with great classical car control skill and great bravery come to mind (Moss, Rodriguez, Rindt, Peterson, Gilles Villenueve, to name a few). Ex ante apex heel and toe engine braking implies aggressive throttle induced steering ex post of your subsequent downshift. Do this incorrectly, you'll swap ends, and go off backwards. Never attempt this on an off-camber turn.

Classical Heel and Toe -

If you release the clutch and MATCH the two revolutions, you'll know it; it's the sweetest sound your car will ever make. Doing so, you'll not exacerbate the weight transfer process. The faster the turn, the ever more omnicritical classical heel and toe becomes.

Ipso facto, heel and toe is intuitive: You have to instinctively know how much re-rev to apply to achieve any one of the three aforementioned weight transfer affects. Ex post facto is the only measure of success. Doing it on the track, you hit the same turns over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Ad nausium. Sooner or later you'll eventually get it right as a function of an error learning heteroscedasticity. But, God's canyons, where you only have one chance, is the measure of the man. You have two feet and three pedals, and must downshift while simultaneously braking, clutching with your left foot while sharing your right foot with the brake and throttle, modulating the throttle to produce one of the three aforementioned weight transfer affects.

I regularly do all three. No particular one is optimal in every instance. A diminishing radius blind apex right hander might be the perfect place for ex ante apex heel and toe push. I found that the subsequent push I induced enhanced consistency of my drift on a particular late apex turn, partially negating my loose condition on entry, while setting me up for an ideal entry into a blind, diminishing radius 2nd gear turn. Anyone can heel & toe their way to McDonalds for their McMorning egg McNothin. Doing it effectively on the track, or better, in God's Canyons, are the only places counts; Doing it scientifically is an art form.

The more extensive your suspension modifications, the more down force, the lighter the flywheel, the greater the power to weight ratio, the more sensitive the vehicle will be to heel and toe. The faster your velocity, the more critical will be your heel and toe. Going 5th to 4th, it is imperative you heel and toe this transition gingerly.

The most critical shift you'll ever have to make is a downshift, going 5th to 4th, freewheeling, maximum tyre adhesion, incipient to apex (e.g., Fangio at Nurburgring; 1957). It is imperative you heel and toe this downshift correctly. This transition should be imperceptable to your passenger (...nobody did this better than Fangio).

Turbocharged automobiles, the intuitive nature of heel and toe is exaggerated: The lag between throttle application and throttle effect requires a priori anticipation; to apply ex ante throttle to compensate for the lag. Henceforth, ex post apex oversteer (and sizable insurance claims) is a hallmark characteristic of turbocharged rear wheel drive cars; ex post apex under steer, turbocharged front wheel drive vehicles (which tend to wind up on used car lots two years later as a function of buyer remorse).

I have an unconventional driving style. My pedal set up was such that, whenever I stabbed the brakes, I automatically got re-revs. That is: Whenever I stabbed the brakes, my throttle was automatically depressed ( don't try this at home). I had my pedals set up where, if my right foot isn't straight up, I automatically got re-revs. Only when my right foot is straight up do I get a clean brake pedal.

I once tested a car with four pedals: clutch, front calipers only, all four, and throttle, from left to right, respectively, across the foot-whel. Left foot front brake modulation (tuck in) in a heavy twin turbocharged RWD vehicle is a boon for off-camber turns. Advent of ABS makes this redundant...

Unless you enjoy deep fried clutch with a side order of "leg-out-of-bed," avoid releasing the clutch when your re-revs are ascending (speed shifting). Catch your downshift on descending revs, and keep those connecting rods right where they're at. Don't learn your heel & toe on a racing clutch. Learn on your old OEM unit. Better yet, rent a car. Why use your own stuff when you don't have to? Spend the day thrashing around in a Budget or a Hertz to get yourself in-trim.

Imagine coming into a second gear -right hand kink from your fifth gear terminal velocity, loading the brakes heavily, simultaneously going directly, FIFTH to SECOND (Nelson Piquet style), or banging down efficiently through every gear -FOURTH, THIRD, SECOND (a Nigel Mansell trademark). Either way's fine.

Now, at the same time your right foot was on the brake pedal approaching that hairy right hand kink, share your right foot with the throttle, rocking your ankle to throttle modulate, just before releasing the clutch for each downshift. Experiment with different positions insofar as your right foot is concerned: Different angles insofar as your ankle; different seating positions. See what works for you; see what feels good.

Of signal importance: Don't let your foot slip off the brake pedal whilst learning to heel and toe. Wear appropriate shoes.

Our bodies are unique. A petite 5' 4" Christiano da Matta is not going to heel & toe like a lumbering 6' 1" Junior-Johnson. Your goal is to get the job done any which way you can, and execute efficient, clean downshifts during maximum braking without disrupting the balance of the car. Your downshifts should be imperceptible to your passenger.

Neverletheless, no need to concern yourself with heel and toe. Advent of electronics, soon enough the lost art of Heel & Toe will become obligatory. Now that you know what heel and toe is, we can advance to our discussion: Internet Dweebs, a particular breed of individual indicative of cockroach infested internetland car-culture...

Table of Contents | Back to Issues & Politics

Crony Politics in Sports Car Club Internetland

"The Puritan's idea of hell is
a place where everybody has
to mind their own business."

- Wendell Phillips, Attributed to

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This brief commentary elucidates political ramifications of driving events, and conundrums associated with political mismanagement of internet resources commonly used to link those belonging to a particular sports car club cohort. Inspiration of this commentary is prompted by a brief acquaintanceship with a not so wonderful guy (...the IMOC dweeb) who made every conceivable mistake possible, behind the wheel, as well as in managing his sports car club's internet resources. He serves as a didactic epiphany of the volatile political nature of the typical internet based sports car club, and the magnitude to which they typically evolve as a function of arbitrary, nonsensical political happenstance. Never allow imbeciles like this into your driver's group:

Having never led a sports car caravan, no experience on point whatsoever, squirrel I once knew (the IMOC dweeb) designated himself to lead a group of cars a couple hundred miles north, up the big sports car rally a good while back. Doing so, he nearly took out the entire caravan, over a dozen sports cars, not five minutes into the drive. Midpoint to our destination, where he planned for the caravan to stop for lunch (poor planning: we were forced to park a mile away from our cars), I discovered the aforementioned individual's wheels were the wrong offset, evidenced by his deeply lacerated rear sidewalls. Evidently, the oversized wheels he purchased, second hand, artificially raised his ride height, but his bodywork was severely cutting down his rear side walls... a function of incorrect offset.

Having had this immediately brought to his attention, he could not be convinced that his vehicle was unsafe for a high speed gran turismo. In spite of our repeated attempts to reason with him, he could not be convinced that remedial measures were immediately necessary. Offering to perform the necessary remedial measures, ourselves, right there and then, he casually dismissed them as wholly unnecessary(!).

In fact, his oversized wheels unintentionally raised his ride-height, so much so that, traveling up the coast to the big rally, my wife commented:

"What a goof-ball. Look. So high off the ground, I can see his half-shafts."

First order idiot, having co-organized the caravan up to the big rally, the time it would have taken to effect the necessary remedial measures? Turned out it would have cut into something far more important: See, he planned for our caravan to stop, after lunch, at a local Mom 'n Pop car audio spot where he once bought a stereo, back in college.

Sure enough? One of the nerds in our group, having succumbed to peer pressure, did exactly that: Bought himself a new car stereo. Decided to have it installed, right there, and then. Hopelessly fractured our caravan, with those of us who could give a flying fuck about car audio, pushing ahead to our destination, leaving those who felt obligated to maintain their place in the pecking order, stranded, patiently waiting three hours for that imbecile in our group to get his new hi-fi installed.

On my way up to the big rally? No good reason, pulling into "Discount Don's," for a new car stereo? That is not the first thing that pops into my mind. I am not going to be remotely interested in having a twenty-something college drop-out, hacking into my electrical, hundreds of miles from home, the day before the big rally.

Soon became apparent: Organizers of this brave event didn't know sic'-um from suck-'um. What kind of idiot planned to stop a 30 car caravan at an obscure Mom 'n Pop car audio joint, hundreds of miles from home, on our way up to the big rally? You guessed it: Same dimwit who thinks there's absolutely wrong, driving a car on a high speed rally with lacerated sidewalls.

Good riddance, we split, made our way up to Cambria; checked into our hotel, hooked up with the Northern California group.

The big day... Everybody, strapped in; engines coming up to temperature, everybody ready to rumble. Snagged first gear, tucked in, third car back, as all the other began forming behind me. Quick look out my port-side mirror? Our hero? The clean-cut Japanese kid? The one with the lacerated sidewalls? Placed himself right up front, fourth in line, amongst the fastest, most aggressive drivers. My wife, leaning forward to intenetly study the over-aggressive dilittante, out my right side mirror:

"Oh, no! Look who's right behind us." Cold day in hell my better-half gives me the green light to go, hammer-down: "This is not good. Lose him, baby!"

My sentiment, exactly.

Ninja-sized ego? No canyon driving experience whatsoever? Everything to prove? In an unsafe vehicle? We knew he was going to shunt. Event organizers were told the day before, that he was going to shunt. Well? SURPRISE-SURPRISE-SURPRISE! Guess what happened?

Not two turns into the rally, he began losing touch with the lead group, before fading completely from our rear view mirrors. As he fell back into the clutches of those behind him, he began holding up the remainder of the caravan through the tight transitions indicative of the nature of Santa Rosa Creek Road. Not five minutes into the drive, he inevitably shunted, ex post apex, writing-off his turbocharged MR2, likely a function of acceleration induced contact between his wheel-whel, and his left-rear sidewall. Exiting a very sharp, right hand apex, from low revs, in second gear, he was a little too slow on the human response cycle.

The epiphany of a too-little, too-late numb-nut behind the wheel, he didn't correct enough, nor did he correct quickly enough. Damage at all four corners, I didn't think it was possible to total a car, going as slow as he was. Mercifully, he shunted early during the event, on a very tight, narrow, series of first and second gear turns, so he was physically unharmed. That he somehow managed not to take anyone else out was a miracle. If he didn't crash during the early segment of the drive, then triple digit speeds, in tandem with the numerous dips, encountered during the latter stages would inevitably have resulted in a fatal shunt... or worse.

As it were, but for the sake of not losing contact with the group? After his shunt, our hero subsequently fled the seen of his accident, trailing coolant, scrapping body parts along the asphalt several miles downrange to our position, whereupon thereafter, the California Highway Patrol subsequently swooped down upon our entire group.

Everybody makes mistakes... it's bad enough doing so in front of all your chums. We spent the better part of two years nurturing this guy's confidence back up to snuff, doing kind, subtle, encouraging things behind his back at opportune moments to make things right for him, and perhaps help stoke the humiliation smoldering deeply within him following his debacle. The whole group rallied behind him, as any good bunch of guys would do for one of their own. After all, heaven only knows when your number will eventually come up. Right? When the chips are down, wouldn't you want everyone doing likewise, for you?

Of course you would...

Well, evidently we overshot the mark... Despite an empty log book, zero hours in competition, our hero subsequently proclaimed himself a driving instructor of the IMOC sports car club. Worse, when anyone else incurred a lesser mishap, oblivious to the kindness once graciously extended to him, by everyone, he waxed political on the various internet e-forums and back-channels he cleverly used to consolidate himself, manipulate popular sentiments, single out and induce criticism of others, rubbing it in as much as he could. Typical internet sports car dweeb. Keep in mind that politics should be stoked expediently, before its presence splinters an otherwise cohesive group, or reduces your club membership to a unidimensional profile of internet dweebs.

Your sports car club should embrace the extent of its diversity, not just an aspect of it arbitrarily determined by one individual with an axe to grind.

Driving events should not dictate your politics; politics should dictate your driving events. If the former is apparent, then your internet resources are not being used efficiently. When it inverts (when driving events dictate politics), indicative of the aforementioned example, your organization will splinter. Once it fractures, it's forever... No going back.

The rest of this page offers up some helpful common sense suggestions if or when you find yourself... planning multi-car driving events (you'll find our route engineering page quite helpful), at speed in the canyons, in caravan with several other cars bound for a mutual destination, or find yourself having to deal with low quality human beings indicative of the aforementioned individual at critical moments along the evolutionary time horizon of your sports car club.

If you're internet based? Exert some diligence over who you admit to your driver's group. Internet isn't what it was back in the early to mid-90s. Drivers tend to be well mannered... mature, and are easy to differentiate from the car guys. The most dim witted, ill-mannered idiots you'll encounter on the internet are back-yard mechanic, rice-boy internet types who cruise the internet looking for car culture related conflict. We avoid them like the plague. So should you.

FYI: Monitor your web stats. Any increase in the number of dot gov hits to your web site coincidental with respect in time to your scheduled driving events implies your security is breached... time to set up some rat traps. Access our secret web pages for more on how such things are best accomplished.

Table of Contents | Back to Issues & Politics

Etiquette for Idiots, 101
Gen-X and Gen-Y, Come on Down!

"She wears her clothing
as though they were
thrown upon her
with a pitch fork."

Swift - Polite Conversation

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How to dress for a sports car driving event?

If you belong to something indicative of the Internet MR2 Owner's Club? A Ford Mustang Gang? The Rice-Boy Glee Club? Then, don't sweat it. Dressing like a 7th grader is compulsory. Regress to your heart's content. Belong to a gentleman's driver's group? Sorry: You'll have to grow up, and embrace the idea of being an adult. Country club attire... inevitably, you'll likely wind up someplace quite nice, somewhere midpoint, or ex post your drive.

Keep in mind: Sports cars are traditionally an upper-class gentleman's pastime.

Do not wear blue jeans; do not wear tee-shirts; do not wear shorts; do not wear white tube socks; do not wear tennis shoes. Act your age. Wipe your nose. Your trousers belong around your waist, not half-way down your ass. Don't slouch. Shave. Bathe. Use deodorant. Comb your hair. Tuck-in your shirt. Tie your shoes. If perhaps you forgot for your 18th birthday, have forever purged the phrase "hey, doood" from your vocabulary by your 35th. Keep your mouth shut. Don't interrupt. Don't be reactive; be proactive. When communicating, don't obsess with impressing upon others the obvious. Remember names. A firm, sincere banker's handshake, eye contact, and a simple smile. Piece of cake...

Right?

Mommy didn't send you to prep school? Mommy's fault because you're still holding your silverware like a third grader? Mommy's fault because you don't know which fork to select when there's more than one? Now might be a good time to pick up a book on table manners (... no excuses for not having a thorough reference on etiquette in your home library).

Never wear "colors." Clan conferring, or cult-status clothing, stenciled with logos of the type of car you drive, your favorite air filter, or the Grateful Dead concert where mommy conceived you is an insult to everyone in your driver's group. Worst thing you could possibly wear? Harley-Davidson tee-shirt (...statement to the world: "I have no class, I have no creativity; I aspire to be stupid"). Any establishment worth it's salt will (at the very least) require you to turn your "colors" inside-out, before allowing you to enter their establishment (... they are within their right not allow you in, period, with our blessing).

West coast driving events adhere to casual, country club attire: Anything with a collar, neatly tucked in. Pull-over polo shirt, or an ironed, button down. Pressed slacks (... cargoes are fine, so long as they're ironed); nice pair of driving shoes, sun glasses (... cheap sun glasses are a dead give away; get some nice ones), and a nice pair of gloves should do the trick. Do not color-coordinate with your car. Never color coordinate with your spouse. Ladies should also adhere to country club attire.

West coast style driving events, you don't have to be perfect. We expect you to have style. Ask yourself: Am I an "A" student, a "B" student, or a "C" student? If you're an "C" student, nail the aforementioned guidelines 75%, and you'll be fine. "B" student, 85%. "A" student, 93%. I deviate on shoes. Wolf in sheep's clothing, I prescribe to the aforementioned, religiously, with exception to my trademark steel-toed boots, tailored for my trusty pig-sticker, for which to account for scuffles, rumbles, or whatnot commonly associated with car-culture related conflict.

Always have a long-sleeved shirt handy, too. Some sanctioning bodies, some driver's groups require them. Track events, a vacuum for etiquette, I prefer long-sleeved pocket tees (KMart; five bux).

East coast style driving events, conformity is paramount. You'll need everything, spot on. With regard to attire for east coast style driving events? Dress inappropriately, regardless of your prowess behind the wheel, you'll find yourself permanently relegated to everyone's "B" list. These events tend to be high brow, quirky, if not anal: "... All the green ones here, everyone with red cars there," MR-2, BMW, and Corvette groups are typically the most anal retentive you'll encounter.

Corvette clubs are lousy for driving. But, men who drive Corvettes are so old, most of those guys shoot blanks. Coincidently, their women are notorious philanderers. Show up to one of their events in something virile, if you're not careful, your "Smith and Wesson" is practically guaranteed to be "holstered" up, platonically and efficiently, by some poor Corvette schmuck's horny, woefully neglected wife.

Porsche clubs are never fun (indicative of MR-2 clubs, lots of en biting, there). That Corvette clubs share common links to events with Pantera and Porsche groups, Corvette guys are never the wiser about the real reason Porsche guys so readily agree to mutual events (...Porsche guys are notoriously prolific banging Corvette and Mustang women).

Pantera guys... Two factions there: track event guys, and the trailer queen cointingent. They spend so much time in the garage fixing their cars, their wives prefer them to sleep there. Fourty years, and counting, Mustang and Camaro cohorts, not known for their high I.Q.s, still have yet to discover canyon driving (much less reconcile why their children look like Porsche guys). Lamborghini and Ferrari groups are subverted by newsies. They're hopelessly hierarchal, and arbitrarily delineated by pedigree (e.g., anyone with a 275 or an F-40 is on the "A" list; anyone caught dead with a F-50, or a 308 is uncivilized; mystery, shrouded in an enigma, Ferrari guys tend to have children who look like... Camaro guys!?). Bottom of the totem pole, rice boy glee clubs are hierarchal, as well, pecking orders typically delineated by who's bought the most aftermarket, or who's got the scankiest girlfriend riding shot gun. All have one thing in common: East coast style OTR events, where spirited driving (...horrors) is frowned upon.

Something about East coast style driving events you should know: They're merely social events, where spirited driving is considered uncivilized. Polite society, appropriate attire for an east coast style driving event is sub optimal for spirited driving, anyway. Dressing as such, you could put a big hurt on yourself...

Behold, the Princess Charles School of High Performance Driving (...quote):

"The eastern gentleman boasts a stable of fine motor carriages for every occasion to underline his pedigree as expressed through exclusivity, discrimination, and good taste. A hybrid between eastern riding cloths, and the British Country Gentleman look, is the combination affected by discriminating motorcar enthusiasts. Composed generally of a well-fitting tweed jacket, Calvary twill pants, a rustic looking sweater, jodhput boots, a tweed cap, and open-backed racing gloves, this is the "look" of dashing, well-bred aficionados piloting exquisite motor carriages in the Hamptons. Ladies or juveniles in absentia, aviator's goggles commonly accent the gentleman's attire. Like equestrian gear, a gentleman is cognicent to equate his mode of dress with his level of success, and his level of success to the pedigree of his motor carriages. A lesser motorist of other such fundamental means of transportation, such as Fords, or Volkswagens, would be wise avoid this look. Although no longer exclusive to the upper-class, golf, tennis, and boating, from sailing to yachting, especially fine motorcars, are still associated with some degree of success, the correct attire, naturally, must be appropriate for spring, summer, and fall" - John T. Molloy, Noted Authority.

Idle class tea-toddlers with fancy cars, east coast style driving events are never (... NEVER) 10/10ths affairs. If you go 7/10ths on one of their events? Hacking your way through the caravan? Racking up the passing points? Applied sperm theory? Balls-out, in the process of creaming everybody in the caravan? They'll think you've gone berserk. And, they are going to hate you, forever, no matter how impeccable your attire. Characteristic of the MR-2, BMW, and Corvette contingents, east coast driving events are fast enough for them. They really think they're going fast. In actuality, they're harmless parades intended to reconcile the club pecking order. Jump through their hoops, mind your manners (...never pass the lead car), make some friends, at least give the pretense you've had fun, and save the 10/10ths stuff just for you, your car, and the man upstairs. East coast style driver's groups, best mind the pecking order, or you'll be forever ostracized.

Rule of Thumb: The more expensive your vehicle, the more we expect from you. Dress (...and act) accordingly.

"Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not expressed in fancy;
Rich, not gaudy,
For the apparel oft proclaims the man."

Shakespeare - Hamlet, Act I. Sc. 3
Table of Contents

Game Theory & Pecking Orders

"Republics are ungrateful."

Anonymous

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With canyon driving, information only has ex ante marginal value. Ex post facto it's utterly useless. Fair warning: If you attempt to rank order your caravan by withholding information, then you are a legal accessory to the subsequent outcome. Planning a driving event, it is your responsibility to provide perfect information to your rally participants. If you withhold information from rally participants, then you are legally liable for punitive and compensatory damages as a result having imposed asymmetric information (ie. when you possess knowledge critical to someone else). If you make a mistake or an omission in providing that information, or if you pull a stunt (do something unexpected), then you become a legal accessory to the subsequent outcome.

The acid test of a driving event is whether or not everyone in the caravan can make every point along the rally, independent of the rallymaster. Fair warning: People in sports car clubs tend to have gargantuan egos. They seem to think that driving events are but a mechanism to reassert the club pecking order. Because they're president of the club, or have a fancy web site; perhaps because they think they've made an important contribution, they'll feel justified in withholding information from you to better facilitate you having to cow tow behind them at slow speed for the duration of the driving event. More often than not, rallymasters will employ garden variety price leadership strategies to maintain their perception of the status quo. The younger they are, or the wealthier they are, the more turf conscious they tend to be.

If perchance another car slips ahead of the rallymaster, it is not uncommon for the rallymaster to retaliate (a stunt), suddenly pulling over to the side for an impromptu rest stop, then depart just as the noncompliant driver, having back tracked to that location, arrives (the De Beers diamond cartel does this to perfection). Rallymasters typically hold their cards close to their chest, withholding as much route information from the group as possible: where the rest stops are planned, or exactly where the route will end up, in order to preserve their leadership role. For some people, this is perfectly acceptable. They are quite complacent to passively shift gears with their brains in neutral following along with little more concentration than they expend watching their favorite situation comedy on television.

The problem lies in the fact that, holding their cards close to their chests creates an information asymmetry that explicitly makes the rallymaster legally accountable for anything that subsequently happens behind him. A priori, it will not be immediately discernible if the rallymaster performed initial reconnaissance of the canyons ahead. You could wind up following a complete nincompoop who did little to no preparation whatsoever, has little more than a vague notion where he's actually going, or has no idea whatsoever the conditions that lie ahead (this never happens during our driving events; we plan our events down to a gnat's ass; please refer to the route engineering page for a detailed account).

Insist your rallymaster distribute comprehensive left/right turn lists and cartography to all participants. Peruse it for discrepancies before departure. You'll actually be doing your rallymaster a favor, lifting a tremendous legal burden from his shoulders, and perhaps averting the likelihood his financial life will be forever done for. All rally routes should be subjected to at least two sets of eyes.

Table of Contents

Close Encounters: Idiots to look out for, deep in God's Canyons

"Let them obey who know not how to rule."

Shakespeare, Henry VI. Part II. Act V. Sc. I

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Been there, done that. We have seen it all. You thought drivers packed like sardines, shoehorning themselves onto limited-access highways was bad? Transplant them, and their urban mentalities, deep in God's canyons and, fair warning, this rank-ordered summary is, bare minimum, what you'll need to maintain, at a conscious level, going hammer down, 10/10ths, deep in the forest in your go-fast Sunday driver.

1^st Worst Canyon Driving Encounter: Blue-Collar Tradesmen, in their Pick-up Trucks ~

SUVs and minivans are a minor chore, to dispatch. Mile for mile, there is nothing worse than encountering a guy, in a pick-up truck, deep in God's canyons. At no other time in your life will you ever find yourself in greater potential danger.

Those guys you read about in the newspaper? The ones who get arrested, gouging senior citizens for electrical, plumbing, carpentry, and appliance repair? No scruples whatsoever, characteristically belligerent, compative, prone to violence, stubborn, gargantuan egos, ill-mannered, devoid an inherent sense of fairplay, over-aggressive, fundamental lack of self-control, moreso behind the wheel, our driver's group has lost no less than 4 of it's finest drivers to construction workers in their pick-up trucks, driving home with six-packs of Budweiser in their bellies.

Terrorists of the nation's highways, all the worse the younger they are, fair warning to any canyon driver who chance encounters upon a blue-collar tradesman-type guy, in pick-up truck, with a tool carrier, deep in God's canyons. That they never turn-out for faster traffic, and go balls-out in the passing zones, trying to be like their icon, Dale Earnhardt, keeping you bottled-up for no good reason, behind them, you'll have scant little choice but to craft a carefully timed pass, over the double yellow. When you do? Be damned sure it's when and where they least expect it. And, be damned certain there's enough road ahead, that you can draw away, so they'll never see you again.

Exercise Extreem Caution: No matter how innocuous your carefully crafted, well-timed pass? That they'll typically have no compunction whatsoever about taking a swipe at you, hoping to run you off , into the shoulder, never telegraph your intent to pass. Make certain your pass catches them asleep at the wheel, and is a complete surprise. More often than not, these blue collar type guys are strapped, a loaded firearm within easy reach. Do not pull off a pass, unless you can draw away immediately.

Of all the canyon driving cohorts, the blue-collar tradesmen-type guy, in the cab of his testament to manhood, his pick-up truck, is the most uniform with respect to temperament and sentiment... Remember his Achille's heel: Alcohol, and Downhills.

2^nd Worst Canyon Driving Encounter: Biker Dudes ~

Guys who really know how to ride, are a rare breed... They're not the ones you'll have to worry about. The vast majority, 99.99999% of them, can't ride worth beans.

Fast in the straightaways, moose slow in the turns, AMA wanabes will drive you bonkers. Pain in the ass because they never turn out for anyone, you'll wind up relagated to their braking zones, but for no good reason than the Valentino Rossi wanabe, right in front of you, who's fucking up your whole drive, would never otherwise conceive there was ever a remote possibility an automobile could ever be faster than a motorcycle, in the canyons.

You, looking for a way bye, it would never otherwise occur to that stupid biker dude ahead of you that what he sees, materializing behind him, right there, in his rear view mirror, could ever correlate to the specter of what he sees, right there, in his rear view mirror. Reason for this, is because 99.999% of the biker dude contingent are intellectually incapable of connecting the dots to that.

Rebels, free-spirits of the nation's highways, fair warning to any canyon driver who chance encounters upon a sport bike guy, deep in God's canyons. That they never turn-out for faster traffic, and go balls-out in the passing zones, emulating their hero, Kenny Roberts, keeping you bottled-up for no good reason, behind them, you'll have scant little choice but to craft a daring pass, hammer down from the apex, over the double yellow, very deep into your braking zone, at the end of the straightaway, but for no good reason than a novice on a 170 mph motorcycle he isn't qualified to ride.

Extreemly dangerous...

Fast in the straightaways, slow as molasass in the turns, difficult to pass, sport bike wanabes have combined to ruin more of our driving events, than all other canyon cohorts, combined. Because of them, we must relegate our events to the nocturnal, wintertime, or early morning hours. Similarly so, keep in mind the biker dude's Achille's heel: Water, Darkness, and Downhills.

3^rd Worst Canyon Driving Encounter: Ponch & John ~

Starch the uniform, polish the badge, couple times around the cones, ipso facto, Ponch & John are the only people on God's green acre qualified to go triple digits? No... Not likely. Sorry. We disagree. That doesn't cut it. Some of the biggest shit-for-brains drivers we've ever seen, are Poch and John.

Elitist, foul of temperament, characteristically unfair, especially so police officers...

Off-duty officers are historically are troublesome cohort... We've had many a problem with off-duty law enforcement officers, trying to take us out in their daily drivers. Such arbitrary power, not much we can do about this particular Dale Earnhardt derivative. If it were up to them, we'd have no right to bear arms, no first or fifth amendment privilege, they'd be the only ones allowed to drive automobiles, the only ones allowed to own firearms, and the only ones permitted free speech. The latter notwithstanding, we do what we can.

Testing your axiom for pattern recognition, keep in mind Ponch & John's Achille's heel: Doughnuts, Darkness, and Downhills...

4^th Worst Canyon Driving Encounter: Tour de France Wanabes ~

Nothing wrecks your drive quite like having happened upon 80 cyclists, in-slipstream, bicycling each other, in the process, hogging-up the whole road. Any berth you could possibly afford, no matter how wide, is never wide enough for them. Keep in mind Greg Lamond wanabe's Achille's heel: Water, Darkness, and... Hill Climbs.

"We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow;
Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so."

Pope, Essay on Criticism

Table of Contents

Driving in Caravan

"In youth, and beauty, wisdom is but rare."

Homer, Odyssey

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Caravans are great fun. There's nothing more fun than sports cars, nose to tail, bound for a mutual destination. But, we've seen, first hand, clubs make stupid rookie mistakes, and get themselves into all kinds of trouble. Leading a caravan is no place for a passive driver with his brain in neutral. Lead car must have the aptitude to think for all cars behind. Many aspects of what you do while leading a caravan are amplified many fold (denoted Chain Rule, below) for each successive car behind you. Indicative of the old woman driving down the freeway, she always seems to get where she's going. But, 15 cars in back of her, mayhem. Similarly, you could wind up bending up a lot of expensive sports cars, so take heed:

* Provide perfect information to all event participants.

* Do not defecate on your driving event by imposing irrelevant extracurricular activities (dumb kids do this all the time). Focus your driving event. Do not do so childishly. Certain economic transactions are only practical close to home. Focus on the ones which aren't; focus on the ones with appropriate geographical significance (e.g., Danish pastries in Solvang). On the long drive up to the big rally a good while back, the event planner, aforementioned IMOC dweeb, thought it would be nifty to schedule our caravan to stop at an audio store in San Luis Obispo where he once bought a car stereo when he was in College. Participants in gran turismo driving events are not likely going to be interested in stopping someplace, far from home, to have a new stereo installed in their car, midpoint, on their way up to the big rally. Nor will everyone else in your caravan appreciate being delayed three hours by the one goof-ball who does. Ultimately, you'll splinter your group along the irrelevant criterion of their love, or indifference to car audio; the latter ultimately pushing on to the final destination, without you, if not abandoning your event entirely.

* Be extremely careful when the lead driver has no experience, on point. Know who's immature, inexperienced, or unsure of themselves, and observe them intently.

* If you do not exclude vehicles found to be unsafe from the event, then at least relegate them to the rear of the caravan for the duration. Insist they perform remedial measures immediately.

* The best equipped car (the guy with the most junk in his trunk) should be your designated chase vehicle.

* In the event of an accident, do not advance the effected car further along the rally, but immediately move the rest of caravan forward to the next planned intermediate. The worst thing that can happen to the effected driver is for the authorities to rest their eyes upon 20 shiny sports cars picnicking at the accident scene, drivers going berserk with their digital cameras, capturing the moment. Get your people out of there; let your chase car do its job (assisting the effected driver).

* Chain Rule: Never invert your caravan. Dividing your caravan into two components (a fast group, and a slow group, for example), the slow group should always go last. Inverting your caravan exponentially increases the likelihood of a sub optimal outcome. It's unethical to use your slow group for passing points.

* Do not compete with other cars in your caravan (this is how dumb kids get hurt). Drive your own canyon.

* If you stretched an interval over the car behind you, then at all major junctions where your caravan changes direction, wait for the trailing vehicle to appear before proceeding. Doing so minimizes reliance upon error laden, or poorly conceived written directions.

* Never back-track for a lost car (e.g., never make your vehicles convergent). If someone's missing, then stay put. Let your chase car do its job.

* If another participant flashes twice, hold the high line through a turn and permit the pass.

* Never flash to pass in a turn.

* Never use high-lights on a fellow participant at night. Flick your lights off, then back on momentarily, to pass.

* Be quick on the human response cycle. Anticipate when the car in front of you will accelerate away from a traffic signal so drivers behind you aren't unnecessarily left stranded when driving in caravan.

* Do not use your parking brake at rest stops unless absolutely necessary. Bring wheel chalks.

* Chain Rule: NEVER decelerate on a lane change while driving in caravan.

* Chain Rule: NEVER brake after passing on an undivided two lane road. If someone in your caravan is following you through, they'll have to brake twice as hard.

* Chain Rule: If you're getting interference (somebody ahead's blocking your caravan), send two cars from the rear of the caravan to the front. Position one car directly in front of the blocker; the other directly beside. Then have the car in front of the blocker throttle off gently, while the car beside accelerates. This will open a gap, and the caravan will whisk by.

* Do not flair up when someone exogenous to your group tries to slip midpoint into your caravan. They are perfectly within their legal right. Be extremely careful of those who do; refer to the chain rule, above, for the implicit remedial measure.

* Never bring your children on driving events.

* Chain Rule: Never bring your mistress to a driving event. People take pictures (this actually happened!). My wife took out her photo album, set it out on the coffee table without thinking about it, and... surprise. Somebody saw something. We felt awful... still do.

* Never invite outsiders to a driving event; Never discuss an upcoming driving event to outsiders.

* One participant's unpreparedness is an unfair imposition upon the group. Arrive prepared, well rested, with machinery capable of sustaining triple digit velocities for significant durations.

* Chain Rule: U-Turning a caravan, or impromptu stops, are extremely dangerous. U-turning a caravan is a signal indication of poor event preparation.

* Chain Rule: Planning rest stops at key geographic locations (KGLs) on the opposite side of the road is problematical, and should be carefully evaluated (left turn visibility for multiple cars; area necessary for multiple vehicles). Regardless, the lead driver should pull as far downrange relative to the KGL as possible to avoid congestion associated with the subsequent leap frogging effect that occurs when lead car high-grades for a high profile parking spot.

* Do not march your drivers to a key geographic location (KGL). Plan for parking in close proximity to a KGL.

* Monitor your web stats. Any increase of Dot govs hits to your web site which correlate with respect in time to your scheduled driving events means you have rats... time to clean house.

Table of Contents

At Speed, in God's Canyons

"All truth is passed through three stages:
First it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

- Arthur Schopenhauer

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On the racetrack, you encounter the same series of turns, over, and over, and over, and over, ad nausium. It's only a matter of time before you get it right. In the canyons, no turn is the same. You encounter it but once. You have but one chance to get it right. On the track, there is no oncoming traffic. You can shunt another driver into the Armco, and not have to pay for it. Canyon driving is significantly more dangerous. Point-to-point driving requires uncomprimised concentration, diligence, patience, and an infinitely greater degree of financial responsibility. On the race track, the ambulance is right there for you. In God's canyons, it will be the ravens who find you first. If nothing else in life you heed, heed this:

* First do no harm. God's canyons belong to nature. Being there, we are her guests. Act accordingly. Never smoke cigarettes in Southern California Canyons (refer to geography page for detailed information).

* Sports car driving is dangerous... to the second power. Eat well, and rest well the night before your canyon drive. Leave home with your house in order. Dress comfortably (wear appropriate shoes), then shower affection upon your loved ones as you depart. You may never see them again.

* Commit all aspects of the route to memory. Don't spend all your grid time socializing. Business first... memorize every aspect of your drive. ASK QUESTIONS...White glove the rallymatser's cartography. Find out who reconnoitered the route; when recon was performed. Good rallymaster will have performed due diligence within the week of his driving event.

* Cinch your seat belts tight. Get comfortable. Get your mirrors right. Wear gloves. Stow loose objects. Keep your left foot on that dead pedal when you're not banging through gears. Clear your mind. Know how to access your hazard switch, audio, and climate control, traction control, brake bias, torque bias, intercooler spray, and whatnot, by touch. If you have to look down to do that? You're in trouble.

* Do not do what you cannot do. Stay focused; get it right. The implications are awesome. One tiny mistake, God's going to tap you on the shoulder for a little chit-chat. Bad enough it's going to happen eventually, all the worse the sooner it does. So, do it right; don't make mistakes. Stay cool. You may not be able to do rudimentary algebra, but your brain computes level III integrals, and differential calculus for you, automatically. You have an internal, self-correction, self-equilibration mechanism that does a fine job of keeping you out of harm's way, by telling you, instinctively, what you can, and cannot do... do not do what you cannot do.

* Chain Rule: Start slow. Get some heat to your tyres, and brakes. Make sure everyone else in the caravan does likewise.

* Know when to say uncle: When your arms or legs begin to cramp is when it's most likely you'll make mistakes. Ask for a replacement driver to take over behind the wheel for a short time, or relegate yourself to the rear of the caravan. No shame in that...

* Stay focused upon the vanishing point as it unfolds before you: At speed, never fix focus upon fixed, stationary objects (you'll lose your equilibrium, and you'll shunt). At the very least, you'll succumb to motion sickness. At speed, fixing your focus upon successions of stationary objects, hopping from one fixed object to another, as they pass by, is a signal indication of mental fatigue, for which the only cure is deep, interrupted sleep.

* Chain Rule: When traversing through villages, hamlets, or high population density areas, show respect by observing local speed limits.

* Never follow another participant into a braking zone when he/she is passing in transitions.

* NEVER focus on tail lights. Peripherally monitor the tyre/wheel-whel relationship (...this will tell you everything you need to know about the car ahead).

* Usurp your braking zone (the distance between you and the car in front) only to pass, and only when the car ahead is accelerating or has achieved constant velocity. Do not slipstream in transitions if you do not intend to pass. Do not pass if you won't be able to draw away; do not increase tempo after you are passed. Drive your own canyon, not somebody else's.

* Know exactly what you're doing. Bring your driving to a conscious level. Assess how your body reacts to the information your car provides (ie. you constantly reach down with your left hand from the 9:00 to the 8:00 position on the wheel; you feel compelled to take your foot off the dead pedal... what does this mean?).

* Anticipate. Constantly. Factor one turn ahead.

* Do not use your hand brake when parked (...you'll warp your rotors). Use wheel chalks, or 2nd gear.

* Chain Rule: Go gingerly through runoff (conventional brake pads absorb water). There's nothing medicinal about immersion in cold water for your pipping hot rotors, pads, bushings, calipers, and exhaust. Once through, put some heat back in your brakes, and scrub off your tyres. Information only has initial marginal value now: If you went through a rock laden stream bed, you'll need pull over thereafter, and inspect your tyres; make sure you haven't cut one down... better to find out now than later.

* Chain Rule: Factor braking axom of the car slipstreaming directly behind. Corvette brakes are only as good as the brakes of the car directly behind. Bear down hard, and that mini van or SUV behind you will have little choice but to go off the side (...if you're stupid enough to panic stop your two seater, oblivous to the Chevrolet Suburban, directly behind, who you've just changed lanes in front of, then you deserve to get rear ended).

* Chase car (outrider) should be delayed several minutes, the driver should possess intimate knowledge about the characteristics of the drivers ahead (who's experienced, who isn't, who has ABS, etc). He should have the route (and an alternate route) memorized. Chase cars should be driven by someone who intimately knows the route. Chase car should have a navigator to handle up communications and look for telltale signs of cars going off the side (tyre marks; ABS makes this quite difficult).

* If a scout (bird dog) is to be employed, then it makes little sense to do so without some type of electronic gear (jammers, detectors, communications).

Table of Contents

Shunts & Mayhem

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening, at once."

Carlton

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Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock... The moment you jumped-in to our driver's group, clock started ticking. If you don't go off every once in a while? Means you're not trying. If you drive canyons, 10/10ths, like we do, then it is a statistical certainty you will bang up your machine, if not yourself. It's only a matter of time, now, before you will eventually shunt. I have. Several times. Eventually, so will you. When you do, you will feel awful about it. You'll feel awful about yourself. And, that's what our microcosm is all about... how we deal with adversity. This is its very essence:

* In the event of a shunt (e.g., accident), never attempt to advance the affected vehicle further along the rally.

* Stay cool. First ten minutes, critical thinking is paramount. You have 10 minutes, if that, to gather yourself up. Spend it wisely: restore your equlibrium. Get ready: Ten minutes, if that, Ponch & John are going tap you on the shoulder for a little chitchat. SHUT UP, DO NOT SMILE, DO NOT ARGUE, DO NOT PRESUPPOSE ANYTHING... At least give the pretense of objectivity. Stay cool.

* Render first-aid; comply with letter of the law.

* Humble thyself. Do not exacerbate the condition by breaking the law, lying, stretching the truth, minimizing, or rationalizing your plight. Doing so will beg closer scrutiny.

* SIGNAL IMPORTANCE: Get your people out of there, immediately. Move the rest of caravan forward to the next planned intermediate. The worst thing that can happen to the effected driver is for the authorities to arrive, and see 20 or 30 shiny, expensive sports cars, picnicking roadside to accident scene, passing around pics of the shunt. Get your people out of there; let your chase car do its job (assisting the effected driver).

* Do not photograph license plate numbers of your fellow rally participants while taking pictures, at the accident scene, or otherwise (... all the more reason to get your people out of there, ASAP).

* Diligently survey the accident scene. Several times. Be quick and thorough. Take photographs. You won't have much time. Look for signage impediments; oil slicks, gravel, a reflection from far off in the distance... It may not be your guy's fault, after all.

* SIGNAL IMPORTANCE: Be extremely careful what you say. You could wind up being contradicted by your own car! Realize that the effected car might have a data recording device ("black box") installed by the manufacturer (e.g., General Motors products). Soon enough, insurance carriers, personal injury laywers, or officers of the court will test their legal axiom to subpoena "black box" data from crashed cars. One way around this is no-fault insurance.

* SIGNAL IMPORTANCE: Remove all rally cartography from the effected vehicle(s). Remove all rally documentation from the effected vehicles. Remove all club identifiers from the affected vehicle(s). Be quick and nonchalant about it. If rally documentation is discovered by the authorities, and subsequently determined to have errors, omissions, or deficiencies, event planners could become vulnerable.

* Everybody makes mistakes. When your pal shunts on rally, he'll feel as badly as anyone could ever feel about himself. So would you. He'll likely feel he's let everyone down. He probably won't want to show his face in the club again. This is the ultimate test of the quality of the people in your sports car club. A good bunch of guys will realize this, they'll rally behind a beleaguered chum, and reel him back in. Be forgiving, and supportive. That's the essence of what your driver's group should be founded upon; that is the reason why drivers will seek sanctuary in your group. We never subject our people to criticism. Short of an alcohol related offense, when you shunt, or do something stupid behind the wheel, you won't have to ask for a forgiving hand up in our driver's group... we do that for our people, automatically (...that is the essensce of what we're about). Driving buddies are for keeps. That it might take a few years for your group to restore a driver's confidence, it's time well spent.

* SIGNAL IMPORTANCE: After a club driving event incident, a typical import car club on the internet will erupt in a save who may, shoot from the hip flurry of accusations, finger pointing, and a witch hunt will typically ensue. Anyone with a minor beef or jealousy will likely want to indict or condemn the beleaguered driver. At the very least, the affected driver will incur a few holier than thou jabs from the rightieously indignant. Nip this in the bud immediately, especially if you are an internet based club. All content from subsequent infighting is directly admissible evidence, and can be subpoenaed for use, not only against the effected driver, but all rally participants as well. When the en biting starts ex post of a rally accident, it's time to clean house, perhaps weed out the losers in your group. Always ensure your internet archives are stoked. Watch your web stats (... dot gov hits to your web site tend to accelerate after shunts).

* SIGNAL IMPORTANCE: If you are internet based, and incur a club driving event accident, ensure that your members don't do something stupid, by inadvertently uploading internet photos of license plate numbers of you, and your rally participants, to the internet. Unless you're intent upon becoming mutually despised by everyone in your sports car club, don't pad your hit counter putting up accident photos of an unfortunate fellow driver, on your web site. If someone does something stupid like that in your sports car club, tar and feather them. Bitch-slap that punk (...with our blessing). It's bad enough already. Show some class.

* If you are internet based, and one of your people has a serious driving incident while on rally, sensitize yourself to the possibility that it might be wise to dismantle web sites, shread listserv archives, or perhaps uproot your organization, entirely. If you have to pull the plug, then do it right. The whole point in doing so is to lay low. Do not make the mistake of mindlessly supplanting everyone, and everything, elsewhere.

Table of Contents

Therapy 101: Overcoming Shunt Induced Driving Aberrations

"That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."

~ Anonymous ~

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Are you an aberranced driver (e.g., somebody T-boned you at an intersection, and now you find yourself leaning on the horn, every time you coast through green lights)?

It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a natural, normal thing. Happens to everybody who's crashed and burned. Happened to me, several times, after several hairy, high speed shunts.

That residual psychological effect, long after your wounds have healed? It sucks... Have to dig deep to overcome it. Once you've done so is no guarantee the next time around will be any easier. Always hard.

Overcoming a shunt induced driving aberration is absolutely awful. Excrutiating. We've nursemaid a lot of our guys through these aberrations. Takes patience, and time. Mind you, if you bought your best gal a motorcycle, and she busts herself up? Broken bones. She's in the hospital for months with injuries so profound, you've altered her life forever. I'm sorry pal, but she's forever done with motorcycles. Don't be a fucking jerk, insisting she get back on the motorcycle for no good reason than you think she needs to overcome a shunt induced aberration, for the mere sake of it.

How asinine.

When your driving buddy shunts? Similarly so, perhaps his sports cars days might well be over. Perhaps not.

Point we're trying to make, here: Your job, when your buddy shunts, isn't to help decide whether or not he gets back behind the wheel. Your job is to kick anyone's ass you catch talking smack about him, behind his back, erase your bias with regard to what he's going to do, be supportive, regardless of what he decides.

Driving buddies are for keeps... When one of your driving buddies shunts, he's going to feel pretty awful about it, and himself. Whenever one of your driving buddies shunts? If he's decided to get back in the saddle, then you are personally responsible for seeing him through it. So, listen up... Here's how:

Do not sell your Sunday driver, thinking that's going to make your aberration go away. It won't. And, don't shrink to a different type, or class of vehicle, thinking you can side-step your aberration away. That won't work, either. In fact, not only it will exacerbate dissipation of your aberration? It can oftentimes preserve it. Forever.

Suppose you had a nasty shunt, and you went off on a fast, right hand, 4th gear, banked sweeper. Now, you're having all kinds of problems with every fast, right hand, 4th gear, banked sweeper you encounter. Do this, instead: Park your Sunday driver, for now. Couple months. Okay?

Pick out one turn, in particular (but, not the one where you crashed), that you know; one you feel comfortable with, that's similar to the one where you shunted. Make sure it's one you really like. Focus on that turn. Do that 4th gear banked sweeper in your daily driver. Do it once, every day. Then, after a couple months with your daily driver, getting comfortable, conservatively pressing into that one special turn, spark up your go-fast Sunday driver, when you feel you're ready. Go at that one special turn you chose, exactly the same speed, everything exactly the same, just as though you're in your daily driver.

That what you're doing is sailing through that 4th gear banked sweeper --so effortlessly-- when before, in your daily driver, tires screaming in pain, you reestablish confidence you once had in your go-fast Sunday driver. That's why we always perform initial reconniassance for our driving events in our daily drivers.

Cuts dissipation of OTR (over the road) shunt induced aberrations 75% for hard core drivers. It works. Still, it's going to take time. It's not a linear decay. But, hang in there. It's well worth it... That fast, right hand, 4th gear, banked sweeper you will never fear again.

Table of Contents

The Spouse Dilemma

"She walks in beauty like the night,
Of coudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright,
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light,
Which heaven to gaudy day denies."

~ BYRON, She Walks in Beauty ~

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We've been wrestling with this, since 1988. Recalling the tragedy: VR Racing's La Carerra Classic. Depressing issue... So paradoxical an issue, we don't know how to advise you, on this. We never will.

La Cararra Classic, run in the late 1980's, by VR Racing, was indicative of the aforementioned IMOC dweeb, to the next power. A save who may, balls out, driver discretion event, from Ensenada to San Felipe, Mexico, for very affluent aficiandos, with their brains in neutral. They were family events, where husbands drove, and wives rode shotgun. Ideally, the contestants would run the event, save who may to San Felipe, where evidently, they'd finish up the weekend getting trashed in the local cantinas, bouncing on the matress with each other's wives, happily ever after.

Didn't go down that way... No initial reconaissance whatsoever, they lost four couples, in one event. Grizzly high speed shunts. The high profile fatalities caught the attention of F.I.A., the world body of organized motorsports. Swift intervention, F.I.A pressured the Mexican policy community with sanctions, and successully subverted the mismanaged event. Subsequently, F.I.A responded, by relegating the La Carrera Classic to high priced, low output, pre-1955 vehicles. Whereas VR Racing had adopted a "run whatever" policy, with no standard whatsoever with regard to the human capital of the driver but their financial axiom, and with no reconissance whatsoever, VR Racing, it's event organizers publically humiliated, was erased from planet Earth.

Begs the question: What are we supposed to do about couples? F.I.A handed down no specifics whatsoever with regard to couples (e.g., wives & husbands). Keep them together, in the same car? Risk losing both, in one shunt? Then, rely upon the entire group, thereafter, to intervene, mop up their personal affairs, find new homes for their children?

Or, should driver's groups seperate their married couples? If perchance a vehicle shunts, only one head of household is lost?

Honestly? We don't know what to do. We've toyed with the idea of braking couples apart, so that, in the event of a fatality, both heads of household are not lost. Thing is: Who would willingly bear the responsibility for the safety, and welfare of your best pal's favorite fuck-buddy? Would you want to have to look your best friend, straight in the eyes, after having had a big shunt, with his wife, the love of his life, the mother of his children, forever lost, for no good reason than you having early apexed a late apex banked sweeper?

We have been able to break no ground whatsoever with regard to this complex, heart wrenching, paradoxical issue. Policies we've considered (not necessarily imposed):

1. No spouses on rally; no children on rally; no navigators; no exceptions (...partially implemented).

2. All spouses relagated to chase car status; must participate in seperate vehicles (whenever possible; voluntary).

3. All drivers must be level 4, or above, with 7 figure liability (...implemented).

4. No more driving events. Period (...considered).

5. All rear or mid-engined automobiles relegated to driver only (...no spouses in 911s, Panteras, or convertibles).

6. All spouses must wear helmets, fire resistent attire (...Draconian).

7. Relegation of spousal participation to kinder-friendlier events.

8. Real-time reconnsiance; intensive reconniassance (...implemented).

9. No dumb kids; no hotheads; no big egos (...implemented).

10. Longer intermediates (rest stops). Tech & tyre inspections at every intermediate (...implemented).

11. Slow down.

12. Non-competitive events (... stringently enforced).

13. All vehicles must have supplemental restraint systems (... leaning toward that).

14. Knock on wood... pray (... every single day).

15. Spousal participation permitted to Level-5 drivers, only (... implimented).

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